I decided a few weeks ago to end things with Rick. Again, this probably seems sudden to you (who only just found out I was seeing him!), but we've been dating for a year now, remember.
And it's okay! We're still friends and I have no doubt he'll be counted amongst my good friends for years to come. We just didn't fit together romantically, and it was better to acknowledge that now rather than invest further time into something that would ultimately lead nowhere.
Was I bummed? Oh Lord, people. Rick is attractive, treats me well, is thoughtful, and was so sweet with the kids that of COURSE I was somewhat bummed to not feel the "click" that should come after the lust is tempered. However, I'm not going to sacrifice what's right for what feels right, and for as "right" as it felt to kiss him, for as right as being in his arms felt, none of it actually WAS right.
On the plus side, when I explained how I felt to Rick, he seemed to understand what I meant. That was not a fun conversation, but it was a necessary one that set us both on a better path.
I've whined several times about this to some good friends. It would've been so much easier if I had just ignored the red flags and did the fun, socially fulfilling thing by continuing to see him. Alas, I was never the one to choose the easy route.
And it wasn't easy; it's still not. It has gotten easier, though. That's what I wanted to tell you. It does get easier.
I know so many people who are struggling to bounce back from heartache and they dive head first into any relationship that comes along. I waited more than a year before consenting to a relationship and it was STILL hard for me to keep level-headed and not immerse myself "just because."
It's nice to feel desired. It's a nice boost to your ego to feel wanted. I get it. However, it's important to be honest with yourself (and whoever you're with!) regarding who you are and what you want. It's even more important to be able to comfortably express those desires with the other person. I was able to do that with Rick and I'm grateful for it. Even though things ended, the friendship will continue to grow and we'll both be open to pursue relationships with those more in-tune with our personal hopes and dreams.
So as I said above, this isn't a sad entry. It's a reminder to those out there in a similar boat. Take your own advice. I kept imagining what I'd say to my friends if they were in this position. If you'd tell your best friend to cut losses and move on, you need to do it for yourself, too. Yes, it might hurt a bit now, but better to be grazed by the bullet now than be obliterated by it later.
After all, you can't be open to God's plan if you go mucking it up with plans of your own. :)