A couple nights ago, I said to Chris, "Ya know, if I were to die tomorrow, while it would never be enough, it WOULD be enough.  I just love you so much, and I'm so happy, and life is just amazing, so if I had to die, I feel like meh... I'd been more than blessed."

He laughed but said I'd better not have any intentions of leaving him alone to raise the boys, himself.  I laughed, too, and said, "No, but I have to admit feeling like there's something coming.  If this were a movie, things usually hit the fan precisely when everyone's happiest!"

He said I was nuts and we went back to our laptops.

Welp, today I received a cancer diagnosis.  Go figure, right?  I actually felt a bit of relief when the doctor came in to give me the news, because I really was anxious waiting for that other shoe to drop, ya know?  I chuckled when he said it, not because I thought it was funny, but because I immediately thought back to what I'd said just a couple nights ago and thought the situation should make its way into Alanis Morissette's song Ironic.  

I told Chris and a few close friends who I knew would add it to their intentions.  I also told John because I knew I'd have to have the conversation with Vince and Nate, and while their father is still wholly incapable of having any sort of discussion appropriately, *I* know the proper order of operations.  One day, God willing, he will, too.  Chris has written off any expectation of him growing up and has repeatedly suggested I do the same.  Alas, I have to hope that one day, he'll stop being so cowardly when it comes to tough conversations.  Pretty soon, tough conversations are all that'll be on the table for two teenaged boys.

I did have the conversation with the boys tonight.  Compounding the conversation was news that we'd also have to euthanize our house panther, Zoey.  I felt terrible, because who wants to start their weekend off with that?  Bah.  But Chris and I are both big believers in facing challenges head-on and with honesty.  And since the prognosis (for me) is relatively good, I figured if they were going to be introduced to cancer, it ought to be with a case like mine.  Hopefully, when they're inevitably faced with cancer again, they'll be able to face it with experience, wisdom and courage.

The conversation went as well as one could hope.  Poor Vince immediately thought I was dying and tried to keep himself as even-keeled as possible.  Emotions, after all, are embarrassing to a teenage boy.  Ha ha.  I immediately assured him that I wasn't dying and that doctors think I've got a really good chance at getting better.  Nate was really upset and began to cry.  He was scared but didn't want to admit to it.  I sat with him and just hugged him, telling him that it was okay to be scared.  He was also really sad about Zoey, and I told him it was okay to be sad, too.  Losing a loved family pet sucks, especially when that pet is such a doll.  Zoey is a miracle cat and we all just sorta expected her to outlive us all.  Alas, she's being called home to keep a spot warm for us.

Here are some photos of Zoey with her best boy, Vince.  She's been sleeping by his side ever since he was a baby. When I was pregnant with him, she used to sit on top of my belly waiting for him to arrive.  They've been inseparable ever since, and she's been such a good friend to him. 

I'll be going back next week to figure out a game plan of what's next in terms of treatment options.  For now, I'm just going to enjoy my amazing kids, my impossibly wonderful husband, and the immeasurable blessings we've all been given, because God is good.  In all things, God is good.  

God is crazy good, as usual.  Our family has been enjoying a deluge of blessings this spring, and I'm finally catching my breath to share!

And since all this basically went down in May, be prepared for the onslaught of Blessed Mother Blue!  I am definitely wearing my "May dress" super frequently in all of them not only because of the color, but because it makes nursing SO EASY!!! 

First of all, thanks for all the prayers and well-wishes surrounding Luca.  He's home, he's healthy, and he's WONDERFUL!  His big brothers have welcomed him into the fold as though he's always been along for the ride.  My heart is full.

I spent the first month basically strapped to the couch thanks to the various surgical procedures I'd had done pre- and post-partum.  I won't bother to regale anyone with those details; I'm just glad it's behind me.  Luca was well worth every moment of pain.

​Easter rolled around soon after Luca's arrival.  We had a whole slew of reasons to celebrate this year, chief among them Chris' full initiation into the Church! 

​A few nights before the Vigil, he received his first Penance, and then at the Vigil, he was confirmed and received Christ in the Eucharist!  His mother was on hand to witness it, as was our friend, Brett, who stood as sponsor.  Again, my heart is full!  God is so good!

Easter, itself, was a joy.  We spent it up at my brother's house, and it's always so wonderful to have all the kids together.  Vince enjoys helping hide the eggs for the kids to find, and he's taken to video taping the younger ones scramble for them.  He even edits the videos he takes into shorts.  Chris and I have been encouraging him to pursue video editing as it seems to keep his interest.  I showed him how to use DaVinci Resolve and got him a beefy computer system to run it for Christmas.  It's nice to see him getting excited about things like that!

Anyhow, the kids enjoyed playing with their cousins, finding eggs, and candy. So much candy.

And as if all this wasn't glorious enough, we still had more to enjoy!  In addition to Nate's 1st Penance, he received his 1st Holy Communion just a couple weeks after Chris!  The whole family came out to celebrate and he got his own little party at The Pop Shop in Collingswood.  He was thrilled, especially because his bestie, Frankie, came, too!

And because we still had more to celebrate, the following week, Luca got gussied up for HIS reception into the Church via Baptism!  He's wearing the same blue and white outfit Nico had for his, but because Luca's a good deal chunkier than Nico was, I had to size up the onesie! 

WHEW!  And we're still not done yet!!!  Nico turned 2 the same week Luca was baptized, and Nate, because he's amazing, was recognized as Student of the Month at school!  We celebrated with lunch at Nate's favorite place and a trip to the park with the birthday boy to feed the ducks and explore a brand new jungle gym he'd never seen before!

And still, there's more, because God can never, ever, ever be outdone in love...

Chris got to go to Italy for the first time for a work trip, and while it was really hard on him due to not only the logistics, but being away from the boys and I, the trip spurred him onto a path that really has him jazzed.  It's been wonderful to see him excited for what's to come.

I've somehow found time to piece together some projects that have, until now, been pipe dreams.  A few more are in the works, but several have actually been completed.  Thanks to Chris' support and willingness to be a real partner in parenting, I was able to complete and publish two books on Amazon with two more on the horizon.

I'm excited to report that one of my books, a self-help journal for trauma victims, is being reviewed by a local hospital for inclusion in their take-home information for survivors of assault.  Shoot a prayer or two up for that intention, because I'd love to see this book placed into the hands of those who need it most WHEN they need it most.

Whew!  And still... that's not all. I became Godmother to a beautiful little miracle and got to see another the same day as her sister made her 1st Holy Communion!  That brings my total godchildren to 7! 

Alright, my lovelies, I'm going to bed.  My heart is full, and God is good.  <3