Ugh ugh ugh. I wasn't able to sleep last night (hence the double postings), and my anxiety is so high that I've got a migraine that would shame a sledgehammer.
For the last two days I've been walking around with this horrible pit in my stomach knowing that I'd have to drop Vince off with his Mi-Mom for a weekend. I fully understand this is ridiculous. I also know that after I survive this weekend, subsequent partings won't be as difficult. Even understanding this in my rational mind does not alleviate the irrational fears, feelings of guilt, and desperate worries that are becoming more and more apparent through physical symptoms of my leap off the deep end.
Dear God, what is wrong with me? I have no doubt that Vince will not only be perfectly content with his Mi-Mom, but that he'll likely be blissfully unaware that John and I are even gone, too. Is that what's bothering me? Do I think he's going to forget about us or something in the short time we're away? No... I realize that's stupid, but considering all the other irrational thoughts that've been completely tearing me to shreds the last few days, I wouldn't put it past my subconscious at this point.
I am a little worried about the random accidents that do happen. God forbid something happens while we're so far away. I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that God always provides and does what's best for us, but my goodness... this is a toughie for me. Even with all the time He's given me to prepare (which I foolishly squandered by pretending this vacation wasn't happening)... Bah.
No doubt the second I step into our room everything will be right as rain. Again, I am fully aware of this. It's going to be a really nice time, and I'm sure I'm going to wish it were longer than the few days we've got. But again... knowing this and feeling this are so far disconnected right now that it doesn't seem possible to reconcile the two as quickly as I know it'll happen. Ha ha.
Just shoot a quick prayer our way that we have a safe trip and I don't pass out from hyperventilation while kissing Vincent goodbye. I swear I'm never this emotionally psychotic. Guess it's that special brand of motherhood that makes us ladies go a bit on the psycho side where our little ones are concerned...