It's going to be Vincent's turn very soon, so I asked him what sort of things he wanted to bring in to decorate the bulletin board. He mentioned Minecraft and Pete the Cat, and of course pictures of Nate and his cat, Zoey, but he also asked for something that I could not give him.
He wanted pictures of Myla.
It always amazes me how often he thinks of his little sister. He'll bring her up out of the blue while we're driving and during story-time before bed. In the middle of eating a sandwich he might ask if she's eating lunch up in Heaven, or while I'm bathing Nate he'll ask who gives her baths in Heaven.
These questions make my heart smile and sigh at the same time.
I told him that while I didn't have any picture of Myla, we could include her name somehow.
Also, I do have a few things for her that I've kept in a special music box that he might be able to use. I've been trying to figure out ways to softly incorporate her in ways that wouldn't solicit questions because he's in a kindergarten classroom. I wouldn't have included her, myself, but since HE asked, I'm trying to figure out how to best do that.
It's a blessing that he feels connected to Myla in such a way. I'm so grateful that his little heart recognizes his sister in ways the rest of the world does not. In ways their father does not. God bless my perfect little boy.
And today, as I was dropping Nate off at daycare, a mother brought in her little girl who is about the age Myla would've been. Probably still stinging from my memories of her, I had to fight the jealous urge to pull that child onto my lap. I wanted to nuzzle her neck and breathe in her hair and know what it'd be like, for even a moment, to have my little girl with me.
Anyway, this is how love and grief work. You can be going about your day when a little love creeps in to punch a hole in your heart. Even though you flinch from the pain, your heart sings a song of thanks that you have someone you love enough to miss. And that grief makes you a better person, because you want with all your heart to live your life right so you can meet again in Heaven.
Oh Myla. Mommy misses you every day and can't wait to hold you up in Heaven. Kiss Grandmom Ida and Nanny Lena, Grandpop Rizzo and Uncle Chris. Cuddle up to the Blessed Mother and ask her to protect your brothers here below.