Now I know Vince has trouble when his routine is messed up, but that's no excuse to not do work or be defiant. John and I spoke to Vince and punished him accordingly, but nothing seemed to help. Day four rolled around and the substitute pulled John aside to explain that not only had Vincent been defiant, he'd kicked her chair and called her "fat."
*Shame-induced heart attack*
My son was aggressive with both his words and actions?! NOOOOOO... it has been so long since he's acted out in this way. I felt awful for the sub who was obviously having a tough time controlling him, and I felt doubly awful that my son was responsible for saying something that was potentially hurtful to her.
I was angry with Vince - angrier than I think I've ever been. John was upset, too, and neither of us knew what to do to punish him properly. We'd never had him do something so offensive. So the entire way home, I was trying to come up with a punishment that fit the crime. I settled on a good old-fashioned written apology letter.
Not an easy task for a 5 year old who barely spells colors let alone full sentences expressing remorse.
Anyway, when I got home, I had a conversation with him about how disappointed I was and how hurtful what he did was to his teacher. I kept having him respond to me so I knew he understood just how serious the situation was. John had already spoken to him and punished him by taking away two of his favorite toys, but he knew I was going to go a step further so he left the rest to me.
After I felt he understood why he was in trouble, I explained how he could help fix things. I sat him down and had him tell me - in his own words - why he was sorry and how he felt about his substitute teacher. I wrote out his words on a separate piece of paper. When he was finished, I had him copy my transcription, himself, into a card he'd decorate for her as an apology.
I then put his letter and my transcription (and a note explaining it) together into a packet for the substitute so she understood where the words came from and what John and I had done to punish him for how he acted. I wanted her to know that we took his actions seriously and appreciated her efforts with him.