Alone in an Invisible Sea of Agreement

5/15/2012

Motto of my life

Ever get embroiled in controversy in a public setting (be it classroom, social networking thread, or even the office) because you're the lone voice offering a different perspective that challenges the paradigm of others?

That's me like all of the time.

Honestly, I'm typically fine with this. It's not that I go gunning for controversy (though a few of my friends would probably beg to differ), but I don't shy away from it, either. When something confuses me, or I don't agree with something, I'll press the issue.

This happened today, and as usual, I'm the lone voice that offered a different perspective. I didn't understand a few comments and asked for clarification, but instead of being given a proper explanation, I was written off. That isn't what bothered me (that's normal MO for folks who toss out a random statement and have nothing to backup their argument).

What bothered me is the five private messages I got saying, "I totally agree with you!"

Why are you private messaging me??? Why can't you just publicly agree with me? Why do I continuously have to be the only jackass trying to plead a case?

GEEZ - that's so frustrating. Yeah, I'm glad I'm giving you a voice and all, but why not help me amplify it a bit?

*Grumble*

I get that not everyone handles controversy well. That's fine. But for goodness' sake - if you believe strongly enough to message me that you agree with my ideas, why not take it a step further and post a simple "Agreed" or "She's not a total idiot for posting this" ?

And for the record, this isn't a passive-aggressive post on my part. I've already written the same thing back to them. But seriously!

6 Comments

Thadeus

5/16/2012 07:52:12 am

Really love your posts! I admire your courage (and your willingness to challenge others to have that courage as well).

I'm currently in a work environment where most complaining happens anonymously (I suppose it is like that everywhere). It is quite annoying. How can anything get fixed or addressed if the identity of the person making a statement isn't known.

Maybe this is a totally different thing, but just wanted to share a little of my perception and show appreciation for your courage.

Peace,
Thadeus

Gina

5/16/2012 08:10:13 am

Thadeus! So glad you've stuck around. Ha ha ha.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with a similar annoyance at work. As someone who once managed a business center, knowing what the issues were really WAS the only way to solve them. To have people constantly running around submitting complaints with no identifying information would be BEYOND frustrating!!!

But really - it's darn near impossible to get folks to be upfront about these things because it really does pull them out of their comfort zones. I dunno if there's anything else we can do, huh?

{Hugs}

Christina

5/16/2012 07:54:12 am

I said it before and I'll say it again. There's something about a fire that doesn't seem to burn you. The breastfeeding issue had fire written all over it and you just jumped on in like it was a bubble bath.

You know I agreed with what you wrote (being a long-termer myself) but I don't like the idea of signing in to see a bunch of angry women saying mean and ignorant things to (or about) me simply because I breastfed Dylan for 3.5 years. I didn't even like seeing what you were posting because I could only imagine what kind of ignorant comments you were trying to combat.

It's not an issue of supporting you or not supporting you (obviously I support you!). It's an issue of not caring about the ignorance of others enough to get into a conversation that I know I'll be banging my head into a wall with. Judging from what I saw you writing, I'd be happier to never have to come into contact with any of them.

They seem like an obnoxious, ignorant and highly uneducated bunch.

Gina

5/16/2012 08:06:55 am

Oh Christina! I didn't even know you could see ANY of what I posted on that thread. I wasn't actually referring to that one (though come to think of it, it makes sense why you'd think that). LoL.

To be fair, not everyone in the thread was ignorant. In fact, the original poster is a new mother, herself. Very intelligent and very sweet. I honestly didn't care much about the other posters, but I DID care enough about her to want to at least provide her with the facts so she could form an opinion with the proper information. Judging from the couple statements she made, she was in the same boat as 90% of the population that thinks BFing long-term is some sort of sign that mom's crazy.

That kind of thinking really upsets me because I see people like you who have done what they thought was best and have no psychosis to speak of. Dylan obviously doesn't suffer from trying to assault unsuspecting women for their nipples, either. LoL.

She wasn't the issue - there were two other commentors who REALLY got under my skin because of the connection they made with pedophilia and sexuality. One actually accused mothers who do this of being borderline pedophiles.

I can't help but worry that people reading that garbage might think "Oh, she's right... maybe BFing long term WILL make me a pedophile... or worse, have my kid grow up wanting to be suckling a boob all the time!"

It's in those instances that I feel compelled to step in and offer a different opinion, ya know?

But in this regard, specifically for the breastfeeding issue, no one wanted to see it as anything more than "Ew, ew, ew." And instead of bashing Time for producing such a degrading, controversial cover, they ended up bashing the women who did nothing more than choose to breastfeed their child for longer than what Americans consider "normal."

It made me sad for parents like you. It's threads like that which continue this horrible context for mothers who breastfeed. It becomes a topic of shame or embarrassment. It SHOULD be a private decision between mother and child. Instead, Time made it a hot button topic that pits women against one another and has us attacking parenting styles for no reason.

It makes me so sad for mothers in general. No one should be judged in so harshly a manner, ESPECIALLY when they're just trying to do what they think is best for their child.

But wow - that was a whole lot of digressing. This post wasn't about the BFing thread at all. LoL. {{{HUGS}}} Love to you and my other little munch. <3

shalimamma link

5/16/2012 08:40:33 am

Beautiful Gina,

I was wondering if you could hear my AMEN AMEN AMEN from Colorado... Lol!

I have TOTALLY had this experience and it bugs the %$#& out of me! For the record, I have removed myself from groups like this and that is what prompted me to start my own blog years ago. I was tired of people being ashamed to not share their identity in a public forum, and let me be the whipping girl, and kiss my butt in my email ;) Seriously, I get where you are coming from, and I think it has to do with courage, even if we have differences.

But, the good news is, there are people like you who DO have that courage, and I commend you for it!! We don't all need to agree 100% on everything (I certainly don't agree 100% with my hubby!) but that doesn't mean we can't be courageous enough to share our thoughts, even when *gasp* others might see our real feelings.

What are people afraid of? Dang...

You are such a breath of fresh air ;)

Love,
shalimamma at lifevictorious.com

Gina

5/17/2012 05:02:42 pm

{hugs}

I hear you loud and clear, my dear. :) Something told me you'd be all too familiar with this one. Doesn't seem like you're the type to hold your tongue when you see a big old flame calling your name.

I'd totally join you in the bonfire, my dear. We're what make these sorts of things come alive! *wink*

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