Firstly – Happy Easter, everyone! I hope each and every one of you had (and continue to have) a blessed and joyous Easter season.
I have to admit being glad Holy Week is over. It really does seem like every year during Holy Week, satan and his little demons are out there doing their best to Judas up the place in an effort to draw as many people from Christ as possible.
However, we know who reigns victorious in the end, don’t we?
So here I am basking in the radiance of Easter week. I went back to work on Monday with a skip in my step. Unfortunately, the little demon had other plans and is still apparently working overtime to cloud my sunshine with doom and gloom.
Some of you may remember a few months back that I had gone in for a surprise mammogram. The results were happy and I didn’t think much else of it. I did, however, schedule the elusive GYN appointment that missed my radar for 2+ years.
Fast forward a few months and I make my way in for my annual (which is now, to my surprise, two years behind schedule). I got the routine tests done and got a deserved chiding from my doctor who made sure I understood the importance of showing up for my annual. Right on, doc!
Yesterday, I got a phone call from this wonderful doctor. I saw the number on my cell and figured I was getting the results from the annual test. Typically the nurse says “Hey Gina, your results came back clear. See you next year.” So imagine my surprise when the doctor greeted me instead of the nurse.
Immediately I felt my stomach knot. The doctor’s calling? That’s not good.
But I shoved the thought away and cheerily answered her greeting.
She informed me that she’d gotten the results back and confirmed I’d tested positive for HPV. That, in and of itself, isn’t surprising given that a good 75% or so of the population has HPV in their system. However, the fact that a doctor was telling me this and not a nurse led me to immediately ask, “Well, okay, I assume you’re calling to tell me you found something else, then?”
Her response was, “Well, I’d like to run some more tests to be sure.”
I said, “I get you don’t like to tell folks they’ve got cancer over the phone, but is that what you’re testing to be sure for? I don’t mind hearing it over the phone. It’s okay to tell me. I’m alright.”
She said, “I don’t want to tell you anything conclusively until I test you again. Can you be in tonight?”
Again, alarm bells went off. Tonight? She wants me in ASAP? Okay, it was bad enough that she called to give me the results, but now she wants to do this test TONIGHT? Obviously this isn’t good news.
I said, “Tonight is the only night I can’t do. Do you have anything tomorrow or later this week?”
She responded that she’d be away from Tues – Monday, and with her gone, her partner was backlogged with her patients. I wouldn’t be able to be seen until next Tuesday. I responded – without thinking – “Well, I waited 2 ½ years. I guess another week won’t kill me.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I cringed and said “Okay, that came out wrong, I’m sorry. I meant that I can wait until Tuesday because I guess it won’t make much difference.”
If I could’ve smacked my head into a wall, I would’ve - I felt like such an idiot.
Anyway, she said she’d see me first thing Tuesday morning for cervical cancer testing. She explained what she’d be doing, but I’ll be honest – I couldn’t tell you what she said from that point on. All I got was my time on Tuesday, cervical cancer testing, and the rest is blank. I’ll have to call back on Monday to see if I need to prep in any sort of way for whatever test she’s doing, but I admit I’m nervous.
I didn’t have any sort of nervous feeling when I went in for the mammogram because I just knew they wouldn’t find anything. Cervical cancer, though? I half wonder if this isn’t why God allowed me to endure the “Darkest Secret” business a year ago. Maybe He foresaw this and realized I’d need to come to terms with never having children again – or being too sick to raise toddlers – or any other number of things.
Ugh – not that this is the thought-process I wanna go with right now, but that’s exactly where my mind went to.
At this point, I am okay. Even though I’m nervous, I still know it’s in God’s Hands and whatever reasons He’s got for whatever is in store are good ones. Either this will be a total fluke and I can go on my happy little way while reminding everyone to get their yearly check-up because they’re super important, or it won’t be a total fluke and I’ll have a ready-made daily offering for my trifecta of souls (my husband, best friend and father).
Yes, Mary, you made that list. *Grin*
Anyway, I appreciate all the love, prayers and well-wishes from everyone. I REALLY appreciate those of you who have shared your experiences with me because they have given me true peace of mind. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’ll be sure to keep you wonderful folks up to date when next week rolls around. Know you’re all in my prayers! <3
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