Club Divorcée: Backstory

I've been sitting on this post for a week now.  Actually, it's been brewing for longer than a week, but last Wednesday really sparked up some irritation regarding a few divorced women I know and their overt "We're awesome because our ex-husbands are evil people" pride.  

I was at a meeting that devolved into a debate over our deacon's homily the previous weekend.  I'd gone to a different parish that weekend on account of being sick (I missed my normal mass by an hour), so I was all sorts of curious to know what the hullabaloo was about.

Apparently our deacon preached about the sanctity of marriage and decided to use his God-given vocation to state, unequivocally, that homosexual marriage goes against the Law of God, and that to participate in such unions is a mortal sin.  He also delved into the murky area of divorce and why those who sought Communion with the Church after such civil proceedings were dealing with mortal sin.  Considering so many people are unaware of this, it's important to teach these things from the pulpit every now and again (especially with divorce rates being as high as they are).

I must've had the most confused look on my face.  At first I thought the person relaying the "problem" was joking.

I actually said, "So people are upset that he's speaking the truth?"

I looked over to my council-mate who gave me the same stunned look of confusion I knew I was wearing.  He said, "I was there.  I heard the homily.  I have no idea what the problem is, either."

This was met with the response of "Deacon Strong (as henceforth I'll call him) needs to learn to be more politically correct.  You don't just alienate a bunch of parishioners by throwing that stuff in their faces all the time.  He didn't need to talk about marriage at all.  It was pointless, and he upset a lot of people.  A LOT of people."

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Now, you need to understand the dynamics of the table at this point.  I was sitting at the head with our pastor, a great and wonderful priest.  He was relatively silent at this point since I think he was genuinely trying to understand the complaint being lodged.  On one side of the table, there were a few council members who seemed to agree with the complaint being lodged against Deacon Strong.  On the other side of the table were those of us who were confused that there was a complaint at all. 

How strange is that?  We all ended up sitting in such a way that we actually split ourselves down the middle regarding supporters and not-so-supportive supporters of Deacon Strong ('cause everyone loves Deacon Strong - just not that particular homily). 

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Anyway, still being completely confused, I pointed out the fact that all of the readings for that weekend were, in fact, about marriage.  Of course his homily would reflect that.  Of course he would want to talk about the sanctity of marriage in light of those readings.  Him speaking the truth in light of the readings is not "throwing it" in anyone's face. 

Plus, I've heard enough homilies between he and our pastor... that would've been the first peep I'd've heard from either of them (from the pulpit) regarding homosexuals marrying / divorcees lining up for Communion.  So to accuse Deacon Strong of "throwing it" in anyone's face is absolutely LUDICROUS.

I then pointed out that we were in the middle of the 40 days for Life event that's been pushed by the Bishops.  Marriage is considered the foundation for life.  It is through marriage that the gift of life is supposed to be given to the world.  It is through marriage that this gift can be fostered and nurtured into another vessel of love which can continue the cycle of love through marriage and subsequent children.  In fact, to hit home that point, many parishes throughout the country were doing special blessings over married couples during the Mass.

So yes... again... MARRIAGE WAS THE POINT OF THE HOMILY THAT WEEKEND.

After pointing that out, the response was "Jesus didn't come to condemn anyone.  We need to love everyone as God made them."

I immediately retorted with "Jesus came to DIVIDE.  And He did!  He said some really hard things that got a whole lot of people angry.  In fact, it's why He ended up dying on a cross."

And to her credit, the woman lodging the complaint was simply trying to do her job as a council-member considering there were "lots" of people upset with the homily.  I wasn't upset with her so much as the fact that people were getting this up-in-arms over something that EVERYONE KNOWS.

Catholics don't believe in homosexual marriage and we don't believe that divorce is copasetic in the Eyes of God.  As this entry so clearly expresses, divorce is a painful, messy business.  Homosexual unions very obviously undermine the sanctity of true marriage.  These are basic truths of our faith.  They shouldn't come as surprises to folks.  I mean, do people feel as though the Blessed Mother's virginity is thrown in their faces every week (considering it's part of the creed and all)?  So when these issues of homosexual unions or divorced Catholics come up once in a blue moon, why all of the sudden the theatrics with storming out of the church or declaring yourself an Evangelical?

C'mon now. 

Seriously. 

You have no right to act surprised, offended or indignant that no one told you about this part of the faith.

I'm all for walking out the door when you come to terms with the fact that you don't believe in what we preach.  But attempting to vilify the person who is telling you what you already know simply because he's saying it out loud and not pretending like the Church teaches something different?

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No no, good friend.  Methinks you're at the wrong party. 

And what finally solicited this particular entry was the fact that one of the women at the meeting took this opportunity to glory in her role as a divorced Catholic.

I've heard jokes in passing on several occasions, but I typically keep my mouth completely shut when it comes to folks talking about their ex-spouses.  I, like most people, I'm sure, steer clear of that topic like it is the Plague. 
However, the joke was timed to coincide with the bragging of a different woman altogether.  This woman is someone I speak to often.  She divorced about 10 years ago and was - that very morning - bragging about how she was so glad to be rid of her husband, how much better she was doing without him, wishing him nothing but misery, and touting herself as free and able to be with who she wanted, do what she wanted, and not care one way or the other.  Oh, but isn't it so great to be divorced???

She was doing this with a mutual friend of ours, another divorcee.  I was in the room, and was by default assumed to be part of the conversation.  I simply kept my mouth shut.  Both women were gloating about their freedom and how much it sucked to be married to such terrible men.  Then they turned their attention to me - silent little Gina - and I got exactly what I'd been dreading.

The look.

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