How to Support When You Can't Do it Directly

These are my in-laws.  I love them both.  Ridiculous amounts.  I always have.  I've always respected their love for each other and their family.  I've learned a lot about marriage just from watching them interact. I've learned a lot about John that way, too, let me tell ya.  He's got so many traits that he shares with his Dad that watching his mom interact with her husband has given me a few ideas how to go about interacting with John.  

:)

Anyway, given the incredibly emotional coaster this family has been on the last few weeks, I've been dying to see them and just hug them close.  Natural circumstances prevented this, but when we DID finally see each other, I was so happy to just physically hug them.  However, Dad wasn't too keen on any sort of emotional exchange.  He was probably too drained from grieving Uncle Billy and worrying over his mother's rapidly declining health.  Also, given his status as the leader of the family, he took upon himself the responsibility of shouldering the fear and anxiety of his brothers and sister.  

Oh, how my heart breaks for him.  He always takes on so much responsibility.  But again, it's something I deeply respect him for.  He goes out of his way to make things easier for his family, but at such personal sacrifice.  

However, he doesn't like to let on that his strength wavers, too.  Instead of reaching out, he'll vent in short, off-the-cuff ways.  I want so much to help him, but I can't just say, "Dad, I love you.  Punch the wall and yell at me if it'll make you feel better."

I'd love to, mind you, but I can't.  He'd never let on that he's hurting, and I would never make things worse by letting on that I know.  

But I still want to support him.  So I'm supporting him the best way I know how - through his wife, my mother-in-law.

In the car on the way back from Uncle Billy's funeral, my FIL had to make a tough decision. My MIL said something that I pray will stick with me until my final days.  

My FIL had to decide if he'd go away for a few days on business or if he'd stay behind in case Nanny passed away.  He asked my MIL what she thought, and her response was beautiful.  She basically said she would go wherever he decided because no matter what, she wanted to be with HIM when and if he got news about Nanny.  

It was then that I realized I could support him by supporting her.  She was, is and always will be, his rock.  They are incredibly blessed to have found one another.

She knows her place is with him so that she can support him in any way that she can.  She wants to be there, holding his hand, letting him cry, even letting him get mad at her so he could, in some tiny way, vent the torrent of emotion eating away at his heart.

I actually teared up when she said that.  It was so loving... so perfect... that is what I want my response to be to John always.  Whatever you decide, I will stand by you.  I will be with you because that is where I need to be.  I want you to know that you will always have me to lean on. 

Such love.  Such incredible, faithful love.  

So I made it my personal mission to support him by supporting her.  Since she'll be bearing the weight of the world in conjunction with him, I can lend my assistance to her.  I might not be able to reach my FIL the way I'd like, but I can reach my MIL, and if she's a little less stressed and a little more rested, she can be a better support for him.

I love these two immensely.  I really do.  I wish I could do something to magically wave a wand and make life perfect again, but we all must endure this valley of tears.  Thankfully, God gifted us families so we could walk this valley together and not alone.  

"Turn then, oh Most Gracious Advocate, thine eyes of Mercy towards us, and after this, our Exile, show unto us the Blessed Fruit of thy womb, Jesus."

Please keep them in your prayers.  Nanny, too.  

<3

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