My Broken Fiat
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers

I Failed Today

10/4/2012

2 Comments

 
Picture
This is our friend, Jake, who is always "gelling."
My husband and I were bowling last weekend.  He's pretty awesome.  Me?  I bowl a 66 if I'm lucky and crown myself Queen.

John, though - he's a great bowler.  After a particularly awesome strike, he turned around and said, "Before the ball left my hand I knew that was gonna be a perfect strike."

I didn't even question him.  Of course he knew.  He felt himself line up perfectly with the pins.  He felt himself align his body with the lane so as he drew his arm back, the weight of the bowling ball, itself, propelled him forward.  He was in-tune with the motions of the game.  He was "gelling."  He was "in the zone."

I understand the feeling.  Maybe not for bowling (okay, DEFINITELY not for bowling) but I've felt confident and sure in other areas of life:  pouring just the right amount of pizzelle batter into my iron for the perfect cookies, timing my laundry cycles to coincide perfectly with cleaning the bathrooms and the roasting chicken in my oven, and snipping the perfect amount of wire so I don't waste any for a pair of earrings.

We've all had this feeling.  We're so "in tune" with what we're doing that our actions are second nature.  We know, before we complete a task, that everything is going to turn out pretty awesome.

This is how I usually feel regarding religion.  I gel.  I'm "in tune" with God.  I have an easy, natural response to confusing or potentially bad situations.  When folks ask me questions about Catholicism, I've got an answer.  When I'm faced with a severe temptation, I'm pretty quick to call out to St. Michael.  That's just what happens when you communicate regularly through prayer and reception of the Sacraments.

Unfortunately, however, I was NOT gelling so much last week at work.  I'll be honest... I'd had a pretty terrible weekend.  I slipped into mortal sin, decided not to go to Mass, and paid for it on Monday.

Now please don't think I'm using my blog as a confessional.  I'll get to that.  I think it is important, however, to note just how damaging missing Mass actually is.  So many people (my past self included) think that missing Mass is "no big deal."  How can missing Mass be a mortal sin?  Well, I had learned that lesson the hard way a few years ago, but apparently my soul shamefully decided it needed a refresher.

I missed Mass and intended to seek out Confession and Communion the following weekend.  I trusted God not to let me get hit by a bus in between Monday and Confession, but I was definitely looking forward to Confession rolling around.

Anyway, Monday morning comes and all is well with the world.  I'm doing my job properly, I'm having laughs with my coworkers, and everything seems perfect.  And it was perfect... until my last call on Monday. 

It was from a gentlemen who had a lot (and I mean A LOT) of trouble with the Catholic Church as a whole.  He called saying he wanted answers to questions, but he wasn't asking questions so much as rambling about the various misconceptions about Catholics that have been strewn across the media.

Typically I'm able to handle those situations with poise and charity.  I can usually redirect misconceptions with a firm and gentle explanation of the Truth. 

I failed miserably this go around.  Absolutely FAILED.  I wasn't gelling with God.  I wasn't gelling with my faith.  I wasn't in communion with the Church I sought to defend, so how in the world did I think I was going to avail myself of the graces I willingly cut myself off from?

Picture
Sure I said a prayer to the Holy Spirit, and I have no doubt His answering grace was the only thing that got me through that half-hour call.  That being said, I knew by the end of it that I'd failed.  This person, though no longer vehemently angry, was still left with a bad taste in his mouth regarding Catholicism. 

Usually at the end of such calls I've got people at least agreeing that though they don't like Catholicism's stance on social issues, the Church isn't the evil enterprise they originally thought it was. 

This guy, even though he wasn't angrily yelling anymore, probably still thinks that Catholicism is stupid and should be outlawed to protect those who couldn't see it for the shell game he thinks it is.

Since it was my last call of the day, I felt pretty miserable going home.  My coworkers all said I did a great job on the call, but no.  I could tell I'd messed up.  I could feel it, just the same as I could feel when I'd succeeded with a caller.  I knew the reason, too - I wasn't in communion. 

It's like expecting a master chef to prepare a gourmet meal when he's only given the fry station at McDonald's.  Sure he might be able to wrangle up SOMETHING, but it's not going to be as incredible as what he could do in his natural setting.

My natural setting is Communion with the Church.  That is when I do my best work.  That is when I feel as though I can help the most people in the best way.  When I'm not in communion, I feel something missing.  I honestly think God dropped that caller in my lap in order to remind me of that. 

Of course He wasn't going to let me get smashed by a bus before getting my relationship with Him back on track.  But He wasn't going to simply walk away and allow me to be without Him for a full week, either. 

Nope.  He loves me too much, and quite frankly, I love Him too much, too.  I then looked up daily confession and found out we offer them at the Basilica right behind my office.  I went during lunch the very next day and reconnected with Him.  The rest of the week, though busy, I was back in tune with the world around me.  I was gelling.

But God was good to grant me that one caller who would haunt me into never missing Mass again. 

Missing Mass isn't just about breaking up my relationship with God.  It's selfishly cutting myself off from the graces that could be used to help other people.  And I think that is the lesson to be learned here (at least for me, anyway). 

2 Comments
Kathryn H.
10/8/2012 12:32:54 pm

Thank you for your humility in sharing this. It can be hard to explain to friends who are not living a sacramental life how things can be different if they return to the sacraments, because they don't know there is a real difference. People get used to life as it is and lose sensitivity to the way grace works (if they ever experienced it to begin with). Experiences like yours help show others that grace is real and affects even little things about our ability to show Christ to others. :-)

Reply
Gina
10/16/2012 04:02:28 am

Wow, Kathryn, that was really sweet of you to say. I appreciate that. And you're right - grace IS real and it really does affect our ability to show Christ to others. That's a perfect way of putting it!

You are so wonderful. :)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Top Rated Entries

    My Darkest Secret

    Do Animals Have Souls?

    10 Things a Parent of an SPD Kid Wants to Say

    Fun and Easy Lenten Crafts

    Tattoo Taboo

    Blessed Mother as Intercessor

    Loss of Life

    Women Priests II

    Animal Sacrifices

    Render Unto Caesar

    Veiling

    The Godparent Poem

    Broken Friendships

    Miscarriage Reflection

    NYT Anti-Catholic Ad

    Categories

    All
    180
    Abortion
    Adoption
    Adoration
    Adultery
    Agnosticism
    Angels
    Animals
    Annulment
    Apparitions
    Art
    Atheism
    Bahamas
    Baptism
    Blessed Mother
    Blessed-mother
    Blogging
    Books
    Boycott
    Breastfeeding
    Bullying
    Cafeteria Catholic
    Cafeteria Catholics
    Cats
    Ccd
    Celibacy
    Chaput
    Children
    Christmas
    Churches
    Confession
    Conscience
    Contests
    Contraception
    Cookies
    Corapi
    Crafts
    Creation
    Cross
    Defense Of Faith
    Depression
    Divine Mercy
    Divine Providence
    Divine-providence
    Divorce
    Dolan
    Donation
    Dreams
    Easter
    Education
    Eucharist
    Euthanasia
    Evangelization
    Family
    Feasts
    Food
    Forgiveness
    Free Will
    Friendship
    Fun
    Gaza
    Guest Post
    Hat Tip
    Health Care
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hhs
    Holy Week
    Homeschooling
    Homily
    Homosexuality
    Illumination
    Incarnation
    Incorruptibles
    Indulgences
    Infertility
    Inspiration
    Intentions
    Intercession
    Intercessions
    Interview
    Islam
    Jewelry
    Kidney
    Komen
    Language
    Lawsuit
    Lbm
    Lent
    Lightbulb Moments
    Liturgy
    Mandate
    Marriage
    Martyrs
    Mass
    Media
    Medjugorje
    Mercy
    Mexico
    Miracles
    Miscarriage
    Moderation
    Moses
    Motherhood
    Music
    Myla
    Nuns
    Old Testament
    Parenting
    Parishes
    Pedophilia
    Pentecost
    Persecution
    Personal
    Philadelphia
    Philly
    Pilgrimage
    Planned Parenthood
    Poetry
    Politics
    Poll
    Pope
    Prayer
    Pregnancy
    Priests
    Prophecy
    Propoganda
    Purgatory
    Question Box
    Quick Takes
    Random
    Recipes
    Reflections
    Relics
    Religious Freedom
    Reviews
    Ridiculous
    Rosary
    Sacrament
    Sacrifice
    Saint
    Saints
    Scandal
    School
    Science
    Seed
    Sewing
    Sexuality
    Sin
    Social Issues
    Social Issues
    SPD
    Spiritual Dryness
    St Anthonybd986ec1d5
    Steubenville
    Suffering
    Tattoos
    Terrorism
    TLM
    Triduum
    Trinity
    Trust
    Twa
    Vatican
    Veiling
    Veils
    Vincent
    Visionaries
    Wedding
    Women Priests

    Pages I Stalk

    A Woman's Place
    Dymphna's Road
    Having Left the Altar
    Fr. Z @ WDTPRS
    Spirit Daily
    These Stone Walls
    St. Joseph's Vanguard
    Catholic Sistas
    Catholic Icing
    Liturgical Time
    Traditional Latin Mass
    Shameless Popery
    Life Victorious
    Catholic Dads
    S'aint Easy
    Truth, Beauty and Goodness
    The Way Out There
    Written by the Finger of 
       God
    Little Catholic Bubble
    So You're a Church Musician
    There and Back Again
    Make It - Love It
    St. Monica's Bridge
    Seeking Renewal 
    Picture

    Archives

    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    December 2010
    October 2010
    October 2005

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2021