I Married an Agnostic

One of my favorites

It's true, it's true.  I married myself a non-Catholic.  Sure, he was born and raised in the Church.  And sure, his mom has pictures of him dressed up in a chasuble pretending to be a priest.  The truth, however, is that my husband is agnostic.

I was well aware of his agnosticism when we first dated.  I respected his beliefs, and he respected mine.  Sure, he'd tease me now and again, but back in those early days, I didn't really feel as though he looked down on my devotions.  He just accepted them as a quirky part of who I was.

I had been surrounded by enough atheism and agnosticism that his lack of belief structure wasn't a big deal.  Nor did I think it would pose much of a problem for our married life, either.  After all, my parents were similar.  My mom is Catholic and my dad is... well... nothing.  My dad never cared that my mom took us to Mass and raised us with the faith, and I assumed the same would be true of John.  After all, he had always said, "Sure, teach 'em whatever you want, but I plan to teach them about other religions and stuff, too." 

I was agreeable to that.  I appreciate other cultures and think it's important to be aware of the various belief systems out there.  I had made it clear, however, that I'd be raising them as Catholics (the sacraments, Catholic schooling, Sunday Masses, etc), and that I wouldn't tolerate his eye-rolling or subtle snark directed towards my chosen set of beliefs.  John agreed that was fair, especially when I granted the compromise of consent.  When our children are ready to be confirmed, it will be their choice to move forward or not.  At that point, they should be able to make the choice for themselves (and if I teach them properly, that decision, I'm hoping, will be the right one!). 

So the years went by and religion didn't really come up between us.  John balked a bit when I baptized Vincent, but as soon as I reminded him of the promise he made to allow me to raise our children Catholic until they were able to decide (properly) for themselves, he stopped. 

Now that I've had a resurgence of faith, however, he's getting extremely antsy about my beliefs.  He confronted me about my threads (again, readers not connected with me on Facebook, commentary abounds there), and said, "It's like I don't even know you anymore."  He accused me of going insane, and very plainly worried about how my religion would affect our son.  I guess he was marginally OK with my tepid religious beliefs before... but now that I actually voice those beliefs, it's an entirely different ballgame.

He's struggling with this.  It's just as difficult for him as it is for me.  He's afraid I'm being brainwashed by religion, and that I'll spread the "infection" onto Vincent.  He's also embarrassed because my religious beliefs conflict very much with the anti-religious stance of our mutual friends.  Even those friends of ours who ARE religious are very much gun-shy when it comes to talking about their faith.  So for me to be so vocal about so taboo a topic as religion is scandalous, apparently. 

I'm trying to be patient.  I'm trying very hard to see this from his perspective as well.  I understand that I really have "changed" in his eyes, but at the heart of it, I'm still the exact same person.  I just happen to be more secure in my faith and much more willing to teach others about it.  My faith has done nothing to change my political views, to alter how I treat others (except for an attempt to be more gentle and loving), or to disrupt my daily obligations.  But all these exterior forces are weighing heavily on him.  The most I can do is pray to St. Monica.  May her intercession melt his heart.

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