Last Will and Testament

8/30/2013

As I finally buckled down to prepare for our trip this weekend, I realized I really needed to get a Last Will and Testament in place should something happen to both John and I. Given we're both on a plane this weekend, I felt it necessary to take a few legal precautions in case a terrible emergency came to pass.

I hate thinking in this manner, but as a parent, you just can't help it. This line of thinking is typically why I don't like to leave Vincent with anyone overnight (let alone the long weekend John and I are taking). So I buckled myself down and tried to take care of legal odds and ends in the off chance something happens to us while we're away. I then passed along these documents to three separate people for safe-keeping.

However, these are a far cry from a proper will. This process made me realize just how necessary having one is. So, when we get back from the vacation (God willing!), I think it's time to do the grown-up thing and put together those final wishes. You just never know when you're going to be called home, and you don't want to leave those behind with any doubts as to your last wishes - ESPECIALLY where your children are concerned.

After taking care of the notarized documents I'm using temporarily this weekend, I went to Vincent's daycare and watched him sleep until he awoke from his nap. Then we cuddled for about a half hour until my mother-in-law came to pick him up. Vincent doesn't really understand that John and I will be gone for a few days. Not that I think he's going to mind, anyway. He's got his cousin to keep him occupied. :)

Ah well.

Anyone have any good advice as to where to start with wills and such? I've got one of those "Fill in the blank" versions, but was told they aren't any good. Have any of you done those? Advice?

Also, have any of you written letters (ala Rescue Me) to family/friends to be read upon death? I've always wanted to, but I end up getting too upset and frustrated with my inability to express my love and appreciation.

However, any attempt, no matter how feeble, is probably better for them than nothing. So I was curious if anyone else had thought of doing that (or, better yet, had actually done it).

4 Comments

Mandi @ Messy Wife, Blessed LIfe link

8/30/2013 01:02:02 am

We haven't written one. I figure we don't really have much in the way of assets and it's obvious anything we do have would go to Lucia (it would mainly be life insurance anyway and she is the benefactor). Our family is aware of who we want to raise Lucia and I can't imagine anyone fighting over it, although I suppose we should have it in writing just in case - a death in the family does weird things to normally cohesive families.

Gina

9/11/2013 08:09:01 am

That's great your family is cohesive like that. I imagine there would be a hell of a fight over Vince. Ha ha. I'm a big believer in not saying word one to anyone about anything because I just don't care to deal with the pointless questions that would arise from all angles. Plus, I'm hoping it'd all be one major non-issue as I don't plan to die while he's so young. God willing! LoL

Bee

8/30/2013 10:55:55 pm

The best way to make a will is to visit a lawyer. Hands down. I'm not a lawyer, but I have seen enough in life to understand how nuts normally nice people get when someone dies. Seems everyone feels they have "rights," and surprisingly horrible things happen, even with a will. Many attitudes, expectations, and beliefs lying dormant suddenly erupt and nasty things get said and done. Best to have it all planned out. For me, I've opted to have a "trust" so that my assets can pass to my designated heirs without probate. With a regular will, a probate must be opened and a lawyer must help the executor file the correct documents with the court. In my state it costs about $6000 to go through probate of a simple estate over $100,000 (easily met if you own a home.) If an estate is under $100,000 an executor may be able to file a small estate affidavit for no cost and not get a lawyer involved, but all the assets must be documented and the will and affidavit must be filed and the document is available for public viewing. Lots of people would rather not have their assets and the names and addresses of heirs listed for the world to see.
For now, because you are young, a simple will to protect your son and designate his guardian in the event of your death would probably do, and should only cost you about $500. There are many horror stories about people with do-it-yourself wills that messed up the wording and inadvertently allowed for an interpretation that had negative impacts on their spouse and children. And by the way, I struggled with whether to tell family members what was in my trust, and decided that is a very dangerous and ill-advised thing to do, because should you change your mind, and sell that Tiffany lamp instead of leaving it to cousin Julia, World War III could break out, Julia feeling she should get an equivalent in monetary compensation for what she expected to receive. So better to keep the details to yourself, and change the terms of the will as your life changes, and no one's feelings are hurt by any changes you make, and no lawsuits will be filed that can drain the assets of the estate.
And just to warn you: even modest funerals these days, with a one day wake, a Mass, and a burial, at least where I live, cost around $13,000. (The grave alone costs $2000. Funeral home: $5000. Cemetery: opening and closing grave: $1500. Vault and casket: $2500. Obituary: $500. Mass donation & organist: $350, Headstone: $1000). Life insurance policies are a good investment in light of these costs and good coverage is relatively inexpensive at your age. BTW, get whole, not term, insurance.
As for the emotions when one makes a will, I have to say it was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. It made me feel awful to think about how to distribute my assets and possessions, and I found myself mulling over latent feelings about my family members, both good and ill. It really sheds a light on some of your deepest feelings. And facing your own mortality in this way is not a lot of fun. I had a lot of desire to just get the process over with and file it away.
I also left instructions about my wishes regarding a funeral and burial. I felt it was best to let my survivors know what I prefer. That was a little easier because I knew what readings and music I wanted at Mass, and choosing those made me feel as if I could share with my loved ones one last time the beautiful wisdom of God's plan for our lives.
After my dad died, I realized though I knew about his life inside and out, his grand-kids and great-grandkids know only the barest facts about him, like I do about my own grandparents. So I am writing short pieces about my birth family, sort of historical, sort of anecdotal, things to let my survivors get a picture of their ancestors and what our lives were like. I am often tempted to write about the skeletons-in-the-closet too, just to let them know it wasn't a Pollyanna life: that some not so nice things happened too, but haven't done so yet. As for letters to loved ones: no, I have not done so, and probably will not. Hopefully I will have said and shown them how much they meant to me by our relationship now. But I can see how that might be something for a survivor to treasure.
And one last cautionary tale: my uncle recently passed away. He never married and had no children. He owned no real estate. He died without a will. Much to our pain and anguish, no one notified anyone in our family, and the son of a former girlfriend had him buried and disposed of all his possessions. We found out about his death three months after he was buried. So I caution everybody to not only make a will, even if you only have your household items and family mementos to pass on, and don't let anyone in your family grow so distant that someone can take over simply because they were the first to know about the death.

Gina

9/11/2013 08:07:05 am

Really, really good advice, Bee. Thanks.

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Last Will and Testament

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