More 'Secret' Questions (and One Really Good Point)

There is a woman on Facebook who has taken my Darkest Secret entry into over-the-top territory.  I just found her posting the below questions on yet ANOTHER wall.  Granted, she's driving traffic to my site, but I'm really wondering at what cost. 

The insinuations she's making and the threads they then spawn (based on how she words her questions) have ended up turning this discussion very ugly.  These are the threads in which people end up accusing John of being the spawn of satan or me being an inept child stuck in slavery caused by my blind zeal for religion.

She did end up asking a really great question at the end, though.

Anyway, a priest ended up answering one of her pointed comments.  I felt the need to redirect a bit of that conversation (so that others didn't fall into erroneous thinking), so I responded.  I'm going to post that here because apparently answering them in the commentary repeated times did absolutely nothing to satiate her curiosity.

I'll bold her commentary and leave as normal my responses.  For the love of all that's fluffy and golden in the world, if you still have questions, direct them to me.

Please answer this as no one else seems to give a satisfactory answer.

The Catholic woman in the blog below is being forced to remain childless because her non-Catholic husband refuses to have more kids.  A bunch of women have written in to comment and many - MANY - of them are struggling with a similar situation (myself included).  I think you should do a segment that deals with how to answer this question from a Catholic standpoint.

1 - Is she committing a mortal sin by allowing him to do use birth control?

I'm NOT in the state of mortal sin. I'm not in the state of sin at all by being forced into a contraceptive union. My illustration is thus: Mike hits Jane. While Jane feels the pain incurred by Mike's slap, Jane is not at fault for his sin. Jane is blameless. So while I feel the emotional pain caused by John's decision to do this, I will not be held accountable in God's eyes because I'm not the one contracepting.


2 - Should she refrain from having sex if he's going to continue to use bc against her will?

To refrain from sex in order to "punish" my husband or guilt him into children is akin to breaking my wedding vows, so dear Father, I must disagree with you on this.

Sex is not just for procreation and it is not just for pleasure. It is also an important renewal of my wedding vows which serve to strengthen our relationship as husband and wife. He is already using one barrier to our union through his choice to use contraception. I will not be a party to creating another barrier through refusing to unite myself more closely to him through the act of sex.

That would be akin to Christ refusing me in the Sacrament of Holy Communion because I consistently fail adhering to His Will as we're called to do. I still lie, I still struggle with pride, and I don't accept the crosses He gives me with charity. I'm failing to uphold my end of the Catholic deal, right? Would Jesus ever refuse me (barring mortal sins) in the Eucharist? No. Thus, how can I place myself above His example and react to my husband in such a way?

No - it is better to leave this in God's Hands and continue to be the best wife I can be to him. Maybe through my example of love, he will come to know something of God's Love.


3 - Is she a candidate for an annulment since he's breaking one of his marriage vows?

I'm NOT a candidate for annulment as John changed his mind after marriage. Also, we're not LOOKING to separate as we still love one another and wish to remain a family.  As Father stated, if John had lied during our vows and never had any intention of creating children, that'd be different.  The fact remains that his mind changed and regardless, we still love one another.

4 - Since her husband is refusing, if he remains obstinate, would she be allowed to go to an IVF facility and "adopt" an embryo without facing a moral dilemma?

I'm actually on the fence with IVF. That's actually a REALLY interesting point that I never thought of.

Father is correct - IVF itself is morally objectionable due to the fact that science is not how God decreed life to initiate, but if an infertile married couple chose to "adopt" a life that was already made through the sin of another, wouldn't this be kinda like adopting the child of a rape victim? Or adopting a forgotten / abandoned child from an orphanage?

Since these embryos remain in a state of frozen suspension, a loving, infertile couple who are open to life but simply unable to conceive may have been created infertile by God specifically so they could be the Hand of Divine Providence for those forgotten lives.

I honestly have no idea about that one, but it's definitely something to think about.  Anyone else have opinions on this one, 'cause it's actually a really interesting point.

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