Mortal Sin and I

6/6/2012

One of the things I've tried to do better with is Confession. Ever since my reversion, I've sorta made inconsistent progress with this. Some months I'll amass a hefty "sin log" after doing a thorough examination of conscience. Other times I'll rush myself to the nearest confessional to hastily spout off a list of sins I've "probably" committed since my last trip to the box.

Obviously you get out of Confession what you put into it. In my latter example, I wasn't getting much out of the experience, and I doubt highly that Jesus was thrilled with my half-baked effort.

So how does one become better at Confession, anyway?

For me, I went to a source that seems to have usurped Confession as his life's mission - Fr. Z.

You folks have heard me prattle on and on about him in the past. I can't help it. I really have learned so much from following his blog. He talks about Confession - a lot - so I knew that a good breeding ground for knowledge would be his archives.

The most helpful thing for me has been Father Z's insistence on completing a thorough examination of conscience using one (or more) "checklists." He even said if you're in a total pickle and don't have access to a specific list, run through the 10 Commandments in your mind.

I've found that the easiest way for me to complete a thorough exam is to list all 10 Commandments and then the 7 Deadly Sins. And yes, I write them all out with my matching offenses underneath the various categories. I feel like those cover just about every dirty little deed I could possibly do, so taking inventory with those as my guide ensures I don't miss anything. The most helpful, in my opinion, are those 7 deadly sins, though.

In compiling this guide for myself, I realized I needed to delve into a few that I hadn't really thought about before. Gluttony, for example.

Oh, Lord... gluttony.

I admit it. I had no idea that gluttony could be considered a mortal sin. Looking it up in the Catechism, though, I found that gluttony is most certainly a mortal sin (and with good reason). And oh, how gluttonous I am!!!

Wrath, as well. I always assumed wrath looked like this:

After doing some more research into what constituted wrath, I learned that it could also look very much like me when I angrily react towards Vincent after a string of sleepless nights. Upon understanding the Church's definition of wrath, I came to understand that it was something I struggled with intensely. A mortal sin I'm most ashamed of as it not only hurts Christ, but my sweet little angel baby. A sin that hurts my husband when I verbally tear into him for a perceived insult or a forgotten pile of dirty dishes. A sin that hurts me because it destroys my relationship with God and those around me through severing trust, love and peace.

You see, I always thought mortal sin was relegated to things like murder, torture and stealing stuff from poor people. Eating a box of popsicles, reactionary punishments and even withholding forgiveness to satiate prideful arrogance never entered the realm of mortal sin thought because I simply didn't think of them as mortally sinful. In light of Church teaching, however, I really have come away with a much better understanding of these particular "dirty deeds" and as a result, I've been able to work on reigning them in.

So yes. Mortal sin is definitely something that I've been thinking a lot more about in recent months. Instead of running around thinking it was darn near impossible for me to commit one, I've come to realize that it's a lot easier than I once thought.

This understanding, I think, wasn't given to me to have me freak out over every failure I have as a mother, wife and friend. I do, however, think this in-depth reflection has been granted so I could pull myself closer to Christ. It's almost as if He threw out a rope to me to begin yanking myself up out of the muck. All the while I've been putting one hand over the other, struggling against the weight of myself, He's not only been holding up the rope, He's been pulling it steadily towards Himself, and with it, me.

Again, the process isn't fun, but the reward is well worth the struggle.

For as much as I'm against using Wiki as a reference, explanations for the Deadly Sins are actually pretty spot on, so it's a good place to start if you're interested in learning more.

15 Comments

Lori Ann

6/6/2012 03:32:29 pm

Do you have a sample check list? Do you keep these lists written in a notebook or something? I never thought of writing things out. Do you read it off to the priest in the confession box? What do you do with the list after you confess?
I never thought of gluttony or wrath like this either. I bunched mortal sins in with stuff like murder and abortion too, but I guess your kinda right. Mortal sins can lurk all over the place and we can easily slip into them if we're not careful. Knowledge is power.
Thanks for this entry.

Mike Clark link

6/6/2012 04:20:17 pm

I am no expert on catholic theology, but I seem to recall that in order for a sin to be mortal, it must meet 3 conditions:
1 - it must be seriously wrong.
2- you must know it to be seriously wrong.
3- you nevertheless choose to do it.
I do not see these 3 conditions being met in the blog entries.

Gina

6/6/2012 04:54:14 pm

Welcome aboard, Mr. Clark. :)

Without delving into too much of my mortal sinning (as my readers aren't necessarily priests, nor is my blog a confessional - ha!), I know that sometimes these things do hit all three for me.

For example, let's take the worst of the bunch (at least in my opinion). My "reactionary punishment" of Vincent.

Some folks don't view physical reprimands to be sinful. Spanking or giving a child a crack across the mouth for saying something awful is "par for the course" in many circles. However, I've come to understand that there's a difference between acceptable physical reprimands and the wrathful outbursts I sometimes cause Vincent to fall victim of.

Without a doubt, the latter is seriously wrong. To slap his chubby little cheek for spitting his juice out because he's playing, experimenting and learning is wrong, plain and simple. Yet that's a perfect example of something I've done to him. Yes, there were outside stressors that certainly helped agitate me on the road towards physical violence, but the fact remains that when I was presented with the opportunity to respond to Vincent with patience, I failed and instead reacted with malicious anger.

Even in the heat of the moment, I fully understood that I was overtired, frustrated and angry. I knew Vincent was not the reason for my irritation and he was simply acting as a proper toddler would. He was learning how to blow the juice out of his mouth to cause a spray of purple bubbles. Could I really fault him for something like this? Could I honestly get irritated at him? Did the five seconds it took me to clean his high-chair tray really solicit a stinging slap to the mouth?

No. But I chose to slap him anyway. And regardless of how immediate I felt the guilt spring upon me, the fact remains that I met all three criteria for mortal sin. In choosing to engage in such an activity, I fell from grace. God's not going to stick around to be a party to this type of activity. He can't. Pure love cannot condone unfiltered anger. And in my physical act of violence against Vincent, I wasn't just slapping him, I was slapping God, present within Vincent. I didn't just lose patience with Vincent, I lost patience with God who was trying to give me another opportunity to grow in virtue... to offer the irritation, frustration or anger up for an assortment of intentions.

So yes, when I take inventory in this manner, it becomes easy to see how such seemingly insignificant (or "excusable" / "understandable") moments were mortal sins disguised by rationalization.

***This isn't to say, however, that I think all forms of spanking / physical punishment is wrong. In some cases, however (like that which I outlined above), the shoe simply fits. Understanding this enables me to better avoid it in the future.

Gina

6/6/2012 04:56:48 pm

Lori Ann, I'm going to write up a special entry for you tomorrow. :) Be on the look-out!

But to answer a few of your questions:

Sample checklist will be posted tomorrow for you.

I do keep the lists in a notebook I purchased expressly for the purpose.

I got the idea of writing them out from Father Z.

I only read off my sins once. It felt mechanical and I actually remember apologizing to the priest for it. I didn't want him thinking I didn't feel remorse, so I actually told him I was reading from a list. Ha ha ha. Never did it again after that, though.

After confession, I shred the list.

Gina

6/6/2012 04:57:41 pm

Lori Ann, I'm going to write up a special entry for you tomorrow. :) Be on the look-out!

But to answer a few of your questions:

Sample checklist will be posted tomorrow for you.

I do keep the lists in a notebook I purchased expressly for the purpose.

I got the idea of writing them out from Father Z.

I only read off my list once. It felt mechanical and I actually remember apologizing to the priest for it. I didn't want him thinking I didn't feel remorse, so I actually told him I was reading from a list. Ha ha ha. Never did it again after that, though.

After confession, I shred the list.

Lauren

6/7/2012 01:56:25 am

I keep a checklist, too. I don't burn the files, but I do tend to hide them pretty good. I think it's important to look back on the progress that's been made and "take inventory" of sins that you keep repeating. Like a food journal, you're able to see where your strengths and weaknesses are, and it helps you look for triggers. Just my opinion.

I still use a checklist the nuns taught me as a little girl.

mike clark

6/6/2012 08:29:11 pm

Gina,
We will have to agree to disagree.

mike clark

6/6/2012 08:34:43 pm

Addendum
As I understand the sin-forgiveness continuum, once a person is genuinely sorry for acting sinfully, the sin is already forgiven.

Gina

6/7/2012 12:42:05 am

Disagreement is well and good, but "sorrow = forgiveness" is simply fallacious (from a Catholic POV).

I mean, look at it this way: If I were to humiliate a peer in a locker room in order to "fit in" with the popular kids, I'd probably feel intensely bad about it. I might be incredibly sorry, but does the person I helped humiliate know that?

No.

Asking for forgiveness is really the only way to get it. This is specifically why Christ set up Reconciliation in the first place. It models the parent-child relationship in which the child comes to the priest (in persona Christi) and allows all the spiritual baggage to fall loose. They are left at the feet of the Lord who Judges (which is why priests sit for Confession). In return for this offering of sorrow, guilt, and desire to rectify one's wrongs, we are given peace and pardon, along with the grace to accomplish the aforementioned goal of rectification.

Again, this is Catholic theology, though. This is probably why we disagree. :)

Gina

6/7/2012 12:47:15 am

Disagreement is well and good, but "sorrow = forgiveness" is a bit fallacious (from a Catholic POV).

I mean, look at it this way: If I were to humiliate a peer in a locker room in order to "fit in" with the popular kids, I'd probably feel intensely bad about it. I might be incredibly sorry, but does the person I helped humiliate know that?

No.

Asking for forgiveness is really the only way to get it. This is specifically why Christ set up Reconciliation in the first place. It models the parent-child relationship in which the child comes to the priest (in persona Christi) and allows all the spiritual baggage to fall loose. They are left at the feet of the Lord who Judges (which is why priests sit for Confession). In return for this offering of sorrow, guilt, and desire to rectify one's wrongs, we are given peace and pardon, along with the grace to accomplish the aforementioned goal of rectification. We're also typically given some sort of advice or spiritual direction (as any parent would give to a child). Penitents understand (or at least should) that this advice / direction comes from Christ through the person of the priest. The priest is merely an instrument for God's graces.

Again, this is all Catholic theology, though. This is probably why we disagree. :)

mike clark

6/8/2012 11:13:40 am

Gina,
Let me take your points in order, if I may.
Genuine heartfelt sorrow is absolute essential for forgiveness of sins.
This is catholic theology and makes sense from a psychological POV also.
Your example does not work because your are confusing a human's forgiveness with God's forgiveness. God knows our heart and the moment we have genuine sorrow, even if we are not aware of it, the sin is forgiven. Another human being cannot know our heart unless we share it w/ her/him. Even then, the human can choose not to forgive at that moment. God is like the father of the prodigal son who, when he saw his child "a long way off'...was moved with pity. He ran to the boy, clasped him in his arms and kissed him tenderly"
before the boy has said a word. From a biblical POV, Jn 8: 1-11, Lk
7: 36-50 and Mt 9:2 may clarify.
I also remember,somewhere in my catholic training, that if a catholic uses the sacrament of reconciliation without having genuine sorrow, the sins are not forgiven. The absolution is not valid. You may want to check that out.
Finally, your final comment is inaccurate and could be construed as sarcastic, if not disrespectful. This message, to my knowledge, agrees with catholic theology as I understand it. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Gina

6/9/2012 04:33:37 am

Mr. Clark,

I know we may not have spoken for some time, but I would hope you know me well enough even from a few years back to know I would never condescend to you in a sarcastic manner. My apologies if you felt my last comment was to be taken in so base a way, but I assure you that's not the case. Considering our previous conversation, it makes sense why we would disagree as you, yourself, stated you have distanced yourself from Catholic theology.

Regarding "genuine heartfelt sorrow" being a requisite for a good confession, that's a given. I didn't feel the need to state as much because I felt that to be self-explanatory. I'm kicking myself a bit for that considering one of the things you taught our class was to "never assume as it makes an ass out of..."

But yes. Genuine sorrow is necessary for forgiveness. However, I believe genuine sorrow necessitates Confession. Someone with true sorrow WANTS to confess their mistake in order to begin rebuilding that which was broken.

For example, if you were genuinely sorry for something, you'd try to rectify it, right? Any sort of sin, no matter how small, causes some sort of rift in your relationship with God, others and self. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn't just put back the $100 you stole. You'd seek proper forgiveness by confessing to whoever it was that you stole the money from, felt sorry, and would never steal again.

Shame should never trump sorrow, but when we keep things to ourselves, our own pride comes out ahead of sorrow. This is why the Sacrament of Reconciliation is so important.

We go to the priest who is both representative of Christ and community. Confessing our sins to him enables us to triumph over our prideful shame and begin the healing process of rebuilding trust with those we've hurt and rebuilding our relationship with God (which also suffers due to sin).

It's almost like the phrase "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

Our shame may give us the feeling that we are truly sorry for something. We may even have every intention of never committing the sin again. However, Confession is like putting your money where your mouth is. Are you sorry enough to swallow your pride and seek the Grace of God to help you in your conviction to never sin again? Are you sorry enough to begin publicly rebuilding your relationship with self and community?

The intention to be genuinely sorry might be there. The intention to never commit sin again could very well be there. The intention to rebuild relationships could be there and you might even act upon it. But from a Catholic standpoint, you can't complete the journey without the graces received from Confession. Only through a proper confession (which itself proves a genuine sorrow) and absolution can we gain the graces necessary to solidify ourselves against the temptation of whatever sin we committed. The priest (in persona Cristi) also gives advice on how to best rectify whatever situation we found ourselves in.

Unfortunately, that last part doesn't happen near as often as it used to, but that's a very big part of what Confession is supposed to be.

mike clark

6/9/2012 05:46:50 pm

Gina,
My apologies to you if I misconstrued your final sentence. I was and still am sarcastic. Perhaps I was simply projecting. Mea Culpa. However, I do wish to clarify that "distancing" oneself from an area of study does not equate with unfamiliarity with said subject. Again, I am, by no means an authority on catholic theology, but I am drawing on my catholic training in elementary and high school in addition to 4 years in the seminary. Granted, I did not stay long enough at the Sem to get the formal post graduate level of catholic theology, but I thought I picked up a bit during my time there. Additionally, I think my teaching of religion at Inky was orthodox. If you can point out some areas in which you feel my theological opinions do not jibe with catholic theology, please point it out to me and I will research it and get back to you.
Finally, I hope you realize that, though based on scripture and tradition, theology is defined as the study of god and religious truth AND a system or school of opinions concerning god and religious questions. I do not think this is the form to discuss catholic theology
per se as I do not want to "muddy the waters" so I will finish this point here.

One small point I want to clarify, You associate shame with sorrow.
In 12 step programs the distinction between guilt and shame is the following : Guilt means I did something wrong. Shame means I am something wrong. I concur with this cogent distinction. And as a child of god, I think there is no place for shame.

I am curious about your views on a couple of things.
1) In the example you cited, you stated, "If you were truly sorry... You'd seek forgiveness from whoever it was you stole the money from, feel sorry, and would never steal again." Where does the sacrament of reconciliation fit into this sequence ?
2) You also state "...when we keep things to ourselves, our own pride comes out ahead of sorrow." This may indeed be true, However, I do not believe that my personal relationship w/ god is "keeping things to myself". I believe I understand the church's reasoning with using a human channel, an objective loving ear who may see things I do not and offer insight and the access to what the church calls "sacramental grace." However, I find the same loving ear when I meet with my spiritual director. And as for grace, grace, by its very nature is never earned and I believe god's grace is available to all who seek it.
I understand your official catholic mindset. However, I believe there is a substantial subset of educated, mature, spiritually oriented catholics who have differences, perhaps significant ones, with church teaching. Ordination of women comes to mind. I can see no biblical or spiritual reason for this reluctance.

By the by, I noticed that you have not commented on my mention of Anthony DeMello S.J. I hope it was not because of my comment that "...Rome was never a fan of his". I would hope you would make you own judgment on his views based on your personal experience of them.
As regards the use of the feminine pronouns when referring to God, I realize it goes against catholic tradition. However, once I realized that all person pronouns mean nothing in reference to God, I thought why not use the feminine since it has been so underutilized. Referring to God as "She" makes just as much sense as "He" and in some ways (tenderness, compassion, mercy,etc) seem more appropriate.

I do not know how much you have read and digested of the "problem of evil" discussion Shem sent you. However, when you are ready, I would like to hear you views about it, if you are willing.

Gina

6/11/2012 02:41:46 am

Since the commentary was getting lengthy (and the ability to follow along for those playing at home diluted), I chose to respond here to make it easier for all involved. :) Hope this helps!

http://www.mybrokenfiat.com/mortal-sin-and-i---response.html

Lauren

6/9/2012 08:04:35 am

Gina is correct. Genuine sorrow does lead to a full and proper confession. This from a Catholic ideology, however. If, Mike, you are distanced from Catholic theology, it is understandable why you might surmise that forgiveness is as simple as God knowing our heart.

God knows our hearts, but even in your example of the Prodigal Son, the son goes back to the father, seeking forgiveness and humbly asking for that forgiveness. The father understood the son to be sorrowful and threw him the joyous feast, but that feast could not have been possible without the son first going to the father to seek forgiveness.

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