Munchkins at Mass

11/6/2011

I adore this picture. That's Vince on His Lap!

Remember that post "Toddlers at Mass?" from a few weeks back? It was brought back to mind for me twice this weekend. Once at Mass, and again while reading some of comments on WDTPRS. I cannot shake the feeling that I'm doing the wrong thing by leaving Vince at home.

Every time I do bring him, though, I repeatedly chide myself for doing it. He's not horrible, but he is active enough that I cannot properly focus on the Mass and I end up feeling as though being there is worse than not going at all.

John calls it "Grandmom Time." You go because you are obligated, not because you are going to enjoy it. That's what I feel like at Mass with Vince. I'm there just to fulfill my obligation, not to spend any quality time with God, and that makes me feel horrific. What am I teaching Vince by that?

Then I wonder what I'm teaching him (or not teaching him!) by leaving him home with Daddy. Do I really think at the age of 5 he'll magically sit still and become a saintly little boy? Am I insane? I look at other parents manage their young children well enough, and I look at my own mother who somehow managed five of us hellions every Sunday, then I look at myself - unable to wrangle a 2 year old without feeling like a miserable waste of motherhood.

I don't know if I'm being overly hard on myself, overly hard on Vince, or maybe some combination. All I know is I dread Sunday Masses with him, but, at the same time, end up feeling like a failure for leaving him home. I dunno.

After a friend (who has a 3 month old, himself) asked me where Vince was this weekend after Mass, I cringed inside. Just another reminder that I'm being a bad Catholic mother in refusing to allow Vincent to Mass if I can help it. Then it hit me.

I thought back to what that wonderful monastic priest told me during Confession. He had said, "Raising this little boy should be your constant prayer life." All of the challenges, frustrations, and sacrifices can be offered up. So, in all honesty, I really should be bringing Vincent to Mass with me. Plus, he needs to begin learning how to sit still for longer stretches of time so when he DOES turn 5, maybe he CAN be the saintly little boy who understands when to sit, stand and kneel. Ha ha.

Coming upon this realization makes me both happy and nervous. I'm happy because I finally feel as though I know the "right" answer. I feel as though Jesus does, of course, want Vincent there, and attending Mass from so early an age will (hopefully) give him an appreciation of and reverence for the importance of such a gift. By the same token, I'm beyond nervous because I'm kind of dreading the "adjustment period" in which Vince learns the proper boundaries of behavior in a Church.

Oh Dear God... help me. LoL.

2 Comments

Katherine link

11/11/2011 01:49:53 pm

Taking little kids to Mass can be challenging. And it is true, I often get distracted disciplining a child during Mass. But, then again, I got distracted plenty before I had kids too.

Personally, I think all kids benefit from going to Church on Sunday, every Sunday.
First, there is grace just from being in the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. That can't be measured or put a price upon.
Second, they hear, recognize and pick up on things in the church and throughout the Mass. My girls are 5, 3, 2 and 7 months. My 2 year old is only 2, but she recognizes Jesus on the crucifix, she recognizes the statue of Mary, she practices blessing herself with Holy Water, she participates standing/kneeling/sitting with everyone, she knows that something special happens when the bells ring, to genuflect before the tabernacle and she enjoys trying to sing the Alleluia. They are all little things, and she doesn't understand most of the Mass, but they are little beginnings that she will build upon with time and maturity. My 3 year old has learned that Jesus "hides" inside the bread that is inside the tabernacle and that is why we genuflect. Little ones are very, very observant and then pick up on things. You might not be able to meditate during Mass the way you used to, but you can tell him, "Jesus is coming. Here the bells? Now Jesus is here! He is hiding inside the bread." It is amazing how much little ones can pick up and how quickly.
Third, even though they may not understand most of what is going on, practice going to mass is a foundation they can build upon when they can understand more. We have intentionally avoided teaching exact wording of the Mass to our 5 year old since it will be changing in a few weeks, but I think as we do teach her more and more about the Mass, it will be very helpful that she has always gone and she knows (most of the time) that it isn't play time or an optional outing. She knows already what behavior we expect in Church and during Mass.

A priest told me something similar in Confession when I was lamenting my lack of prayer time during the day. If you only catch half the Mass because you are trying to bring your son to God by teaching him how to go to Mass, God understands. He has entrusted a precious human soul to your care and rearing. He knows that. And He knows what it demands of you, yes, even during Mass.

I admit adjustment periods can be difficult. I think most parents understand that. Whenever I see a parent struggling with a child, in Mass or in a mall or wherever, I sympathize. I've been there. We have all been there. I've never yet met the parent who hasn't had a child have a tantrum or a meltdown or bang their head or something in public where you aren't just hoping everyone isn't thinking you are a horrible parent. We have all been there. My oldest , when she was almost a year old, cried and screamed through almost the entire Mass at our Cathedral. I tried to hide in the baptistry but it just seemed to make her echo all the louder! It happens. It is life with little ones. It is not a failure on your part. Just do your best to be consistent, gentle and firm and ask God and your son's guardian angel to do the rest.

I'm sure God will bless you abundantly for bringing His son in Christ to Church. Can your husband come as well to help? Do you tag-team for Mass or does he not go?

Gina link

11/13/2011 03:38:17 pm

Katherine,

Thank you. Your words really have made me feel a little more hopeful and a little less insane for wanting to do this for Vince.

As for my husband "tag-teaming," unfortunately that's not a reality for me. He's agnostic (borderline atheistic). Any talk of religion tends to get him irritated. *sigh*

Oh, Saint Monica... keep him in your prayers.

But thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your kindness and generosity of heart are blessings to me. {Hug}

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Munchkins at Mass

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