Ever get into bed only to realize you forgot to say your nightly prayers?
I do this at least once a week. I know, I know... awful. I'm being honest, though.
This is what always follows that realization...
1. I feel intensely guilty about forgetting to say "Thanks" to the Guy who got me through my insane day.
2. I then feel doubly guilty for not realizing that even though it was an insane day, it was an immense blessing.
3. Say an immediate "Sorry. Thanks, God, I really do appreciate everything you do for me and my family."
Here's where the fun begins...
Conscience chimes in "But DO you really appreciate everything? You couldn't possibly know ALL the things God blessed you with on any given day."
I retort with "Conscience, I know enough, and for all the stuff I don't, let's agree to count them among the things I'm thankful for anyway, ok?"
Conscience scoffs and says, "You realize we have this conversation every time you get in bed without saying your prayers because it pushes off getting back out of bed, right?"
Feelings of shame make me blush because I realize my conscience is right. I don't wanna give in so quickly, though, so I pretend like that's not true and barter. "Okay, God, I promise I'll just pray double tomorrow night, okay?"
Conscience steps in with, "Oh yeah... like that'll happen. And besides, who exactly are YOU not to make time for God? GOD!"
Darn it, Conscience!
"Seriously, - stop having this stupid conversation with me and just get out of bed!"
"Uugh... can't I just pray in bed where it's warm and I'm comfortable?"
"Sure, 'cause Jesus stayed in bed through His Passion. Great idea. You're awesome. What a gracious little creature you are, huh? The God of the Universe endures untold torture to bring you Salvation, and you can't give up the fluffy comforter for five minutes while you kneel on your fluffy carpet to help round up some souls for Him? Real nice."
"Darn it, Conscience... now I REALLY feel like a jerk!"
"Good, 'cause you are a jerk. Now stop being a jerk, get on your knees, and thank God for even giving you the chance to be a jerk. Then apologize for choosing to be a jerk and, as a show of gratitude, say your prayers with the intention of bringing souls back to Him. I hear He appreciates that sorta stuff."
"Okay, okay. You win."
Then my attention diverts back to God and I have this conversation:
"I'm really sorry about all that. You know I don't mean to offend You, but sometimes I'm a really selfish jerk who doesn't think of all the reasons why I should constantly have my face planted firmly on the floor in thanksgiving. Thank You for giving me an irritating conscience who nags me until I realize how selfish I'm being. You really are awesome. I'll try to nix at least part of the conversation the next time this happens and get out of bed faster. May my prayers bring some of Your children back to You tonight."
Then I pray the Divine Mercy chaplet for anyone God wants to use it for (be they sinners on earth or in Purgatory). I really do figure that's the best way to show my gratitude for His Blessings.
Seriously, though, I always feel like such a jerk when I forget because, without fail, this is the conversation that plays out in my mind. *Shakes head* Ah well... at least I know my conscience is looking out for me. :)
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