My Broken Fiat
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers

Playing with Fire

5/23/2012

11 Comments

 
Picture
MAKKO!
My friend, Christina, said something to me that has been bouncing around in my head for the last few days:

There's something about a fire that doesn't seem to burn you. [This] issue had fire written all over it and you just jumped on in like it was a bubble bath.

Ah... the story of my life.

Last week, when I wrote that "Alone" entry, I got several follow-up messages from the person the entry was originally about.  He gave me permission to post his story here, because I honestly think it's something that folks should be aware of, especially those of us who are active on Christian blogs / forums.

While I was chatting with some folks on a Christian forum, a young man timidly asked for advice with an issue he'd been struggling with.  We happily agreed to hear him out.  He identifies himself as homosexual, he's 19, and he still lives home with his "strict Christian parents."  He loves his parents dearly, but he hasn't "come out" to them, yet.  He was looking for advice on how to best do it without having them disown him.


Within minutes the thread was lighting up with comments like:

"It's a phase."                                        "Keep that to yourself until you get it fixed."
"You'll go to hell!"                                  "You SHOULD be disowned."
"Homosexuality is a disease."                                ETC...

Seriously.  I was absolutely FLOORED.  I immediately jumped in to dispel the notion that his sexuality was a one-way ticket to hell that needed to be exchanged through a one-night stand with a woman (suggested by a particularly vulgar member who, until that point, had been the most proper one of the bunch!).  I then pointed out that the various responses were less than Christian in content. 

You'd think I stumbled upon a hellmouth or something.  Not only was I trying to defend this person against attacks, I was on the receiving end, myself, with no hope of respite.  To say anything contrary to "Gays are evil, hell-bound freaks of nature" was tantamount to painting yourself with a bulls-eye and handing out arrows during open season.  I felt HORRIBLE because all that viciousness simply caused this young man to pull away, completely embarrassed, ashamed and hurt by the torrent of verbal abuse.  Worse, he assumed that response was a unanimously Christian one because no one took a stand against it!!!  Heaven forbid!

For the record:


Condemning a person is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY. 

Suggesting that they commit a mortal sin in order to "reverse" another perceived mortal sin is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY. 

Responding to a plea for help with vitriol and wishes for the emotional distress of family abandonment is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY.

This gentle young man and I have been blessed to have several discussions on this now.  He now understands that regardless of his sexuality, he is a body and soul created and loved by God.  He understands Catholic teaching on homosexuality, and though he doesn't agree with it, at least he doesn't believe Catholicism teaches he's got a sure-ticket to hell just for being attracted to other men.  He also feels better about talking to his parents about this.  After all, a parent's duty is to love above all else.  Heck, our job as humans is to love above all else.  Loving doesn't mean accepting the sins of another, but it DOES mean accepting the person for who they're made as and helping them carry the crosses uniquely granted by God to help them on their path towards Heaven.

Keep folks like this in your prayers.  It takes a lot of courage to be upfront about your deepest struggles, especially when you've got the whole world ready to rip into you. 

And this is why I tend to step into the fire with seemingly little regard for the flames.  On the other end of the verbal assault, someone is feeling the effects.  On the other side of the computer screen, someone is being made to feel subhuman.  When these hot-button conversations ignite, there is someone, somewhere being given a very incorrect view of Christianity through the poor examples of those who laud themselves as being the epitome of Christian practice.  I can't help but feel my own heart break for them. 

So yes.  I frequently involve myself in these types of conversations and threads because if I don't, who will?  Be the change you wish to see, right?  If I had kept my mouth shut and just allowed them to steamroll this person, what type of image would he have of Christianity?  Would there be no nugget of hope regarding coming out to his parents?

And what of the people who could easily have offered their own "Likes" or commentary to mine?  Instead of private messaging, they could have helped this young man feel something of the love of God.  Instead, he was left with a very bitter taste in his mouth, spoon-fed by supposedly loving Christians.

Our duty is not to stand by and allow such ill-feelings to spread.  Our duty as Christians is to love God by loving one another - not silently... not ashamedly... not timidly.  We are called to live our love out loud. 

If that means dancing in the fire, bring on the flames.

11 Comments
Donnelly
5/23/2012 07:49:02 am

you forgot to mention 'abomination'

i know not EVERYONE everyone thinks that way but alot of christians do I think. e.c.f wasn't the first forum i went to that said those kinds of things to me. it was the first one to have someone say what yous aid, but hellfire and condemnation are typical script for the christian population. even the catholics.

what worries me most aout the coming out part is that im almsot one hundred percent sure my mom will cry and my dad will disown me. that type of christian is who they are. my mom'll still love me sure, but if dad boots me out of the house, she'll go along with him because that's what a good christian wife does.

that's just another reason i think christianity is faulty. so many people say they love and love and love but when it comes down to things like homosexuality or contraception, all they talk with is hate and hate and hate.

but i do feel happy that i came to know u through that site. u seem nice enough and your logic makes sense, even if i don't agree with all of it.

Reply
Donnelly
5/23/2012 07:50:58 am

korra is awesome. see the original aavatar?

Reply
Gina
5/23/2012 08:07:20 am

Oh, and yes - the original Airbender series was amazing in every way, and Korra is shaping up nicely, too! Glad you got the reference. :)

Gina
5/23/2012 08:06:27 am

I can't speak for all Christians, but I dunno if I'd agree with the statement that most Catholics feel that way. Most that I talked to don't care one way or the other, but that's probably because I live on the East Coast near Philly where we've got a huge gay population and tons of support for things like Gay Pride Week.

And I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Give your parents a chance. They may surprise you. They may already have an inkling and could be relieved that you brought it up first. Remember, when you bring it up, you have the power to control how the conversation is framed. If you wait for them (or worse, a nosy neighbor or a mean-spirited cousin)... ya know what I mean?

And the idea of a "good Christian wife" is not exactly what you made it out to be, but we can talk about that via e-mail. Ha ha ha.

There are plenty more out there like me who are "nice enough." Nicer, even! Don't stop trying!!!

Reply
Lauren
5/23/2012 08:35:31 am

I'm nicer, I'm nicer! Especially if we're talking about Gina! :-)

Jackie
5/23/2012 08:29:25 am

Donnelly, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Not all Catholics believe in that stuff. God made you you. All of us have crosses to bear and yours just happens to be your sexuality.

If your afraid to talk to your parents face 2 face, did you think of writing them a letter? Getting all your feelings onto a paper and reading from that could help you. Maybe talk with your mother first and then have her handle your father? Do you have siblings you could talk to?
I'll keep you in my prayers, Donnelly. It's really sad that you had that reaction from people who claim to be Catholic. Please don't think bad of all of us just because a few rotten apples spoiled it.

Reply
Lauren
5/23/2012 08:39:19 am

Talk to your parents. I know if my son ever came to me with this, the first thing I'd do would be give him a big hug and kiss. I mean, you've been dealing with this for a while and must be so tired and anxious over it. You deserve to share this load with them. They would want you to. Your parents love you. Regardless of what their faith teaches them is sin or not, Christians are supposed to hate the sin but LOVE the sinner. Start with an I love you both and then just come out with it. You'll be in my prayers, too.

Reply
kevin spoker
5/23/2012 08:43:53 am

THAT'S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE AGAINST RELIGION!!!!!!!!!

There is so much judgement and not enough love. I support you donnelly!

Reply
Donnelly
5/24/2012 03:58:39 am

thanks everyone. i have two older brothers and a younger sister. only one of my brothers knows and he thinks i should wait to tell. he said i should be the person to tell them and i agree. i should man up and be honest but its really difficult. i know they'll love me still but i'm more afraid of disappointing them than anything else. especially my dad.

i dont want to just write a letter and read it. seems impersonal. but if i write it out and memorize it so maybe i know what i should say before i jump in. i dont know how to go about beginning it.

anyway thanks. you are are really nice. glad not all christians are crazy.

Reply
M.G.
5/24/2012 04:37:41 am

Christina has you pegged. The hell you endured on the Inky page made **me** cringe and still you kept at it with a level head. I wish now I had commented, too. No teacher deserves the type of treatment they gave him (or you for that matter). You were right to defend him even though you were fed to the wolves. I almost want to write a follow up post but I'm afraid it'll just restart a fire with those people.

Reply
Gina
5/24/2012 04:54:06 am

M.G. - I appreciate your response. How'd you find my blog? If you want to stay anonymous, that's fine, but I'm surprised to see an Inky board person find me here.

As for Mr. Dane, that REALLY burned me up! My mom still teaches there, and I couldn't help but think of how I'd react if former students were saying that sort of stuff about her. I admit I was really disappointed that no one else took to his defense, but I can understand why given the response I got.

I just really hope Mr. Dane never gets wind of it. As you said, no one deserves that level of rancor, especially considering how dedicated he was to his profession. That thread just about broke my heart. :(

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Top Rated Entries

    My Darkest Secret

    Do Animals Have Souls?

    10 Things a Parent of an SPD Kid Wants to Say

    Fun and Easy Lenten Crafts

    Tattoo Taboo

    Blessed Mother as Intercessor

    Loss of Life

    Women Priests II

    Animal Sacrifices

    Render Unto Caesar

    Veiling

    The Godparent Poem

    Broken Friendships

    Miscarriage Reflection

    NYT Anti-Catholic Ad

    Categories

    All
    180
    Abortion
    Adoption
    Adoration
    Adultery
    Agnosticism
    Angels
    Animals
    Annulment
    Apparitions
    Art
    Atheism
    Bahamas
    Baptism
    Blessed Mother
    Blessed-mother
    Blogging
    Books
    Boycott
    Breastfeeding
    Bullying
    Cafeteria Catholic
    Cafeteria Catholics
    Cats
    Ccd
    Celibacy
    Chaput
    Children
    Christmas
    Churches
    Confession
    Conscience
    Contests
    Contraception
    Cookies
    Corapi
    Crafts
    Creation
    Cross
    Defense Of Faith
    Depression
    Divine Mercy
    Divine Providence
    Divine-providence
    Divorce
    Dolan
    Donation
    Dreams
    Easter
    Education
    Eucharist
    Euthanasia
    Evangelization
    Family
    Feasts
    Food
    Forgiveness
    Free Will
    Friendship
    Fun
    Gaza
    Guest Post
    Hat Tip
    Health Care
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hhs
    Holy Week
    Homeschooling
    Homily
    Homosexuality
    Illumination
    Incarnation
    Incorruptibles
    Indulgences
    Infertility
    Inspiration
    Intentions
    Intercession
    Intercessions
    Interview
    Islam
    Jewelry
    Kidney
    Komen
    Language
    Lawsuit
    Lbm
    Lent
    Lightbulb Moments
    Liturgy
    Mandate
    Marriage
    Martyrs
    Mass
    Media
    Medjugorje
    Mercy
    Mexico
    Miracles
    Miscarriage
    Moderation
    Moses
    Motherhood
    Music
    Myla
    Nuns
    Old Testament
    Parenting
    Parishes
    Pedophilia
    Pentecost
    Persecution
    Personal
    Philadelphia
    Philly
    Pilgrimage
    Planned Parenthood
    Poetry
    Politics
    Poll
    Pope
    Prayer
    Pregnancy
    Priests
    Prophecy
    Propoganda
    Purgatory
    Question Box
    Quick Takes
    Random
    Recipes
    Reflections
    Relics
    Religious Freedom
    Reviews
    Ridiculous
    Rosary
    Sacrament
    Sacrifice
    Saint
    Saints
    Scandal
    School
    Science
    Seed
    Sewing
    Sexuality
    Sin
    Social Issues
    Social Issues
    SPD
    Spiritual Dryness
    St Anthonybd986ec1d5
    Steubenville
    Suffering
    Tattoos
    Terrorism
    TLM
    Triduum
    Trinity
    Trust
    Twa
    Vatican
    Veiling
    Veils
    Vincent
    Visionaries
    Wedding
    Women Priests

    Pages I Stalk

    A Woman's Place
    Dymphna's Road
    Having Left the Altar
    Fr. Z @ WDTPRS
    Spirit Daily
    These Stone Walls
    St. Joseph's Vanguard
    Catholic Sistas
    Catholic Icing
    Liturgical Time
    Traditional Latin Mass
    Shameless Popery
    Life Victorious
    Catholic Dads
    S'aint Easy
    Truth, Beauty and Goodness
    The Way Out There
    Written by the Finger of 
       God
    Little Catholic Bubble
    So You're a Church Musician
    There and Back Again
    Make It - Love It
    St. Monica's Bridge
    Seeking Renewal 
    Picture

    Archives

    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    December 2010
    October 2010
    October 2005

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2021