Playing with Fire
My friend, Christina, said something to me that has been bouncing around in my head for the last few days:
There's something about a fire that doesn't seem to burn you. [This] issue had fire written all over it and you just jumped on in like it was a bubble bath.
Ah... the story of my life.
Last week, when I wrote that "Alone" entry, I got several follow-up messages from the person the entry was originally about. He gave me permission to post his story here, because I honestly think it's something that folks should be aware of, especially those of us who are active on Christian blogs / forums.
While I was chatting with some folks on a Christian forum, a young man timidly asked for advice with an issue he'd been struggling with. We happily agreed to hear him out. He identifies himself as homosexual, he's 19, and he still lives home with his "strict Christian parents." He loves his parents dearly, but he hasn't "come out" to them, yet. He was looking for advice on how to best do it without having them disown him.
Within minutes the thread was lighting up with comments like:
"It's a phase." "Keep that to yourself until you get it fixed."
"You'll go to hell!" "You SHOULD be disowned."
"Homosexuality is a disease." ETC...
Seriously. I was absolutely FLOORED. I immediately jumped in to dispel the notion that his sexuality was a one-way ticket to hell that needed to be exchanged through a one-night stand with a woman (suggested by a particularly vulgar member who, until that point, had been the most proper one of the bunch!). I then pointed out that the various responses were less than Christian in content.
You'd think I stumbled upon a hellmouth or something. Not only was I trying to defend this person against attacks, I was on the receiving end, myself, with no hope of respite. To say anything contrary to "Gays are evil, hell-bound freaks of nature" was tantamount to painting yourself with a bulls-eye and handing out arrows during open season. I felt HORRIBLE because all that viciousness simply caused this young man to pull away, completely embarrassed, ashamed and hurt by the torrent of verbal abuse. Worse, he assumed that response was a unanimously Christian one because no one took a stand against it!!! Heaven forbid!
For the record:
Condemning a person is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY.
Suggesting that they commit a mortal sin in order to "reverse" another perceived mortal sin is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY.
Responding to a plea for help with vitriol and wishes for the emotional distress of family abandonment is NOT CHRISTIAN CHARITY.
This gentle young man and I have been blessed to have several discussions on this now. He now understands that regardless of his sexuality, he is a body and soul created and loved by God. He understands Catholic teaching on homosexuality, and though he doesn't agree with it, at least he doesn't believe Catholicism teaches he's got a sure-ticket to hell just for being attracted to other men. He also feels better about talking to his parents about this. After all, a parent's duty is to love above all else. Heck, our job as humans is to love above all else. Loving doesn't mean accepting the sins of another, but it DOES mean accepting the person for who they're made as and helping them carry the crosses uniquely granted by God to help them on their path towards Heaven.
Keep folks like this in your prayers. It takes a lot of courage to be upfront about your deepest struggles, especially when you've got the whole world ready to rip into you.
And this is why I tend to step into the fire with seemingly little regard for the flames. On the other end of the verbal assault, someone is feeling the effects. On the other side of the computer screen, someone is being made to feel subhuman. When these hot-button conversations ignite, there is someone, somewhere being given a very incorrect view of Christianity through the poor examples of those who laud themselves as being the epitome of Christian practice. I can't help but feel my own heart break for them.
So yes. I frequently involve myself in these types of conversations and threads because if I don't, who will? Be the change you wish to see, right? If I had kept my mouth shut and just allowed them to steamroll this person, what type of image would he have of Christianity? Would there be no nugget of hope regarding coming out to his parents?
And what of the people who could easily have offered their own "Likes" or commentary to mine? Instead of private messaging, they could have helped this young man feel something of the love of God. Instead, he was left with a very bitter taste in his mouth, spoon-fed by supposedly loving Christians.
Our duty is not to stand by and allow such ill-feelings to spread. Our duty as Christians is to love God by loving one another - not silently... not ashamedly... not timidly. We are called to live our love out loud.
If that means dancing in the fire, bring on the flames.
5/23/2012 07:49:02 am
you forgot to mention 'abomination'
5/23/2012 07:50:58 am
korra is awesome. see the original aavatar?
5/23/2012 08:07:20 am
Oh, and yes - the original Airbender series was amazing in every way, and Korra is shaping up nicely, too! Glad you got the reference. :)
5/23/2012 08:06:27 am
I can't speak for all Christians, but I dunno if I'd agree with the statement that most Catholics feel that way. Most that I talked to don't care one way or the other, but that's probably because I live on the East Coast near Philly where we've got a huge gay population and tons of support for things like Gay Pride Week.
5/23/2012 08:35:31 am
I'm nicer, I'm nicer! Especially if we're talking about Gina! :-)
5/23/2012 08:29:25 am
Donnelly, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Not all Catholics believe in that stuff. God made you you. All of us have crosses to bear and yours just happens to be your sexuality.
5/23/2012 08:39:19 am
Talk to your parents. I know if my son ever came to me with this, the first thing I'd do would be give him a big hug and kiss. I mean, you've been dealing with this for a while and must be so tired and anxious over it. You deserve to share this load with them. They would want you to. Your parents love you. Regardless of what their faith teaches them is sin or not, Christians are supposed to hate the sin but LOVE the sinner. Start with an I love you both and then just come out with it. You'll be in my prayers, too.
5/23/2012 08:43:53 am
THAT'S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE AGAINST RELIGION!!!!!!!!!
5/24/2012 03:58:39 am
thanks everyone. i have two older brothers and a younger sister. only one of my brothers knows and he thinks i should wait to tell. he said i should be the person to tell them and i agree. i should man up and be honest but its really difficult. i know they'll love me still but i'm more afraid of disappointing them than anything else. especially my dad.
5/24/2012 04:37:41 am
Christina has you pegged. The hell you endured on the Inky page made **me** cringe and still you kept at it with a level head. I wish now I had commented, too. No teacher deserves the type of treatment they gave him (or you for that matter). You were right to defend him even though you were fed to the wolves. I almost want to write a follow up post but I'm afraid it'll just restart a fire with those people.
5/24/2012 04:54:06 am
M.G. - I appreciate your response. How'd you find my blog? If you want to stay anonymous, that's fine, but I'm surprised to see an Inky board person find me here.
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