Smacked by Slippers

Here is a photo of the offending slippers.

I was looking for dainty little slippers for my goddaughter's upcoming baptism.  I've already got the outfit picked out.  I've got her little headband, and her little onesie set is ready to go.

I just need her slippers.

So I was looking through little slippers for her when I came across these.

They're adorable, fuzzy, soft, pink and have tiny rosebud flowers.  They're girly and cute.  If they had rhinestones, her mother would likely be willing to kill a man to have them for herself (if you're reading this, don't even bother denying it - ha!).  

Anyway, when I saw them, I felt like I'd been smacked square in the chest.  I immediately thought of Myla.  I wondered if she'd've been super girly.  Lord knows if she was, I wouldn't have known what to do with her.  I probably would've tried to dress her in all the cute dainty things they have for girls, but I was suddenly caught by how little I knew about her personality.  She was taken away before I'd ever unwrapped that piece of her.  

I was instantly angry, then.  Again, I silently screamed up to Heaven, "Why Myla?  Why did you have to take her away?  I want her.  I will always want her.  So many other parents don't want theirs and force them to endure painful abortions.  Why not whisk one of those little souls away to Heaven before they meet such cruel ends?  Why take Myla?"

Then I get upset with myself for thinking that way.  Those children who are aborted are loved just as much as Myla - they're wanted just as much - by God.  True, He wants to see all children born to a life of love, but it is not His fault this cannot be.  

Knowing this doesn't make it any less frustrating.  Knowing that Myla's in Heaven and working hard to get us up there with her doesn't lessen my sadness and hurt. 

I hate this.  I hate having a Pandora's Box in my heart that can be opened without warning. Pink slippers.  How they gained the point of a knife, I will never understand.

Mommy loves you, Myla.  I miss you every day.  I'm sorry Vincent, Daddy and I have to wait so long to meet you.  {hugs and kisses}

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