My Broken Fiat
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers

The Unspoken Anxiety of Special Needs Parents

2/5/2016

8 Comments

 
Picture
I had to leave Vince in an after school program for the first time since he started school in September.  He's actually been asking to do go to this program since he found out some of his classroom buddies take part in it, so I was hoping he'd have a good first go at it.  

I got a phone call within a half hour.  

*Sigh*

The entire way there, my mind was a mess of anxiety. Thankfully, I was already en route to pick him up when I got the phone call.  However, what if I'd still been at work?  What would I have done if I needed to leave early to get him?  I'm still new at the office, and while I know they're all understanding of a mother putting her kids first, there's only so much of that which they can be expected to tolerate before wondering why I don't have a "Plan B" in place.  

Problem is, there is no "Plan B" for a child like Vince.  Why, you ask?  Well, this program is a perfect example why.  

John is away so he's not able to pick Vince up.  Both sides of the family are either working or live too far away to help.  Ditto for friends.  Thus, my only recourse was the program, and I got a call 30 minutes in telling me that they were unable to accommodate him on account of his special needs.  

So like I said, luckily, I was already en route to pick him up.  However, what happens on Monday when John is still away?  I'll be working which leaves Vince with no where to go for 2 hours but the school program.  Problem is, the head of the program doesn't feel comfortable with him being there because she's not staffed to handle him (a situation for which I do not begrudge her).  Do I leave early - AGAIN?  Do I risk eroding confidence in my bosses that I do actually think my job is a priority or do I just force the school to take him anyway and make their lives (and Vincent's) absolutely miserable?  

Picture
And then I worry about next year.  Inevitably, I always wonder about his future.  He's got an incredible teacher now, but she is his for kindergarten only.  
And given how far she's gone to learn about Vince's condition and work with him at his level, I know in my heart that she's a diamond among even the prettiest of gems.  There will be very few teachers willing to do what she has done for Vince - to see him as I see him.  

And that breaks my heart, because it takes a special teacher to reach a special kid.  With all his struggles with motivation and confidence, it's only going to get harder when the teacher doesn't have the capacity to do what Mrs. Sweeney has done.  

And then I travel further into the future and worry about how I'm going to be able to handle him as he gets stronger and more self-aware of his unique challenges.  He's recently started hitting himself - a characteristic trait of Autism.  When he's frustrated, he'll begin slapping his head over and over... almost like he's trying to jar his brain into doing what he wants it to do.  

And now I'm crying because I know that one day I'm not going to be there to stop his hands from reaching for his head, and even if I am, he's going to be strong enough to push me away.  Worse, he might even be self-aware enough to figure out how to extricate himself from my presence so he can self-harm away from perceived judgement.  

Unless you're the parent of a special needs kid, you really just don't "get" how all-encompassing this is.  Every time I get a phone call from another parent or the school, I instantly get a knot in my stomach that they're calling to complain about what a nuisance Vince is because they've become overwhelmed / disgusted / frustrated by his various challenges.  I brace myself when I do pick him up, because I know that no matter how good the day was, something went awry and needs to be addressed.  When I get home from work and ask how his day has been, I have to make sure I don't let my fear of what he's going to tell me creep into my intonation.  And finally, when I talk to folks who ask about how he's doing, I scramble to come up with the easiest way to either side-step the conversation or downplay the difficulty because I can barely soothe myself let alone the anxiety of other people.  

God, this is so hard.  And I don't even care that it's hard for me; I care that it's so hard for Vincent.  No child should struggle as hard as he does and still feel inferior that his best tries are not good enough.  ​And he's starting to feel that way.  I can tell he's starting to feel that way because he's beginning to verbalize it, which, ironically, is a huge accomplishment for him.  

​*Sigh*

I know that God's got a plan and will take care of Vince in the end, but I hate having to see him go through this, and I hate feeling like a failure because I am not smart enough to know how to help.  I feel angry that I've constantly got to consider putting Vince (and even Nate) into less than ideal situations so that I can keep all my priorities from shattering on the floor.

Picture
It's a constant juggle, and it's felt VERY pressing as of late.  All throughout January, the boys and I were rotating illness.  I forced myself to go to work even though I should've stayed home because I knew I'd need to take time off for the boys and they needed it more than I did.  I also knew that Vince had an upcoming field trip that I needed to chaperone because - again - they don't have the staff to handle him, especially off-site.  

Which, I just realized, the stupid trip falls on the date of a meeting I'm supposed to be running. Ugh.  There wasn't a conflict before, but now there is because the meeting had to be moved on account of someone else.  

*Sigh*

Lord, I hand it to You.  I've only got two hands with which to juggle.  Send some angels to help keep these plates spinning, and please strengthen Vince's guardian angel to be a real light for him.  Please keep his teachers in Your sight and send the Spirit to give them a greater understanding of Your Love for Vince.  If only others could see him as You see him... oh what a blessing they'd know he is!
Picture
8 Comments
Lori
2/5/2016 01:58:59 pm

Thank you for sharing this. It helps to know we are not alone. I am the mom of four - our youngest (5) is also a sweet boy with autism who is beginning the struggle of school. I sooo feel for you and what you've just written. It is so hard. All the worries, sadness, anger, and guilt....we are there, too. I will pray for you and your family. God bless!

Reply
Katie
2/5/2016 02:29:27 pm

You are handling it!!! And even though it is not easy, you sound like you are doing it all better than most moms. My prayers are with you for you to be able to truly give all these concerns to God to let him take care of it. He created the universe, I'll bet he can take care of the meeting and the field trip. (I needed the reminder too.). In the mean time listen for the prompting of the Holy Spirit to guide you along your path.

Reply
Kelly M. link
2/5/2016 03:22:32 pm

We are constantly reminded of our need to trust in God's plan for us and our children but why can't it be easier to do so?!?! I feel you pain Mama. Hang in there! Prayers for your family.

Reply
Kristen link
2/6/2016 04:56:57 pm

I hear you girl. I try not to think too hard ahead (and middle school is looming!) or I get incredibly overwhelmed. I excitedly put Shelby into a summer camp one summer for kids with autism. And at the end of the first week, they told me they could no longer accept her because she was too low-functioning. These are special ed teachers who have a special autism certificate who said her level of disability was too great. AND their services stated they accepted ALL children with autism! Now they've converted their non-profit into a private school for extremely high functioning children only. Turns out those are the only kids they ever wanted to work with! Sending prayers, it will all work out but man is it EVER stressful!

Reply
bill bannon
2/7/2016 08:00:56 pm

Will pray for all during Lent but afterward too...blogger and commenters...here at this site. You are some of God's more precious ones....just like John was the beloved disciple. Will pray that He increases your peace amidst emergencies. Our Lady, pray for their peace....you who had "great anxiety" ( Lk.2:48) when Jesus at 12 stayed in Jerusalem.

Reply
Bree link
2/9/2016 10:01:40 am

Hi! I'm a fairly new reader of yours and this is my first time commenting. There have been many other posts I would have liked to interact on but I try my hardest to stay out of people's business and especially not put my foot in my mouth.

In this case though, I feel the need to speak up. I have a child on the autism spectrum and something that helped him tremendously was starting the Feingold diet. It can be found easily online. Removing petroleum based food dyes and artificial flavors and preservatives can have a huge impact on children's behavior. In fact artificial dyes are illegal in Europe because they know how bad they are for children.

I hope this helps even a little bit and I'll be thinking of you and praying for you that you figure out a solution to your situation with your sweet son. (alliteration much???)

Reply
Brenda Hanafin
2/17/2016 05:14:36 am

Prayers for you all from Ireland x x

Reply
Saffron
2/19/2016 06:50:15 pm

I am 17 years down the line, my son has Cerebral palsy, is wheelchair bound and has learning difficulties.
All you can do, is the best you can with the tools you have today ... DO NOT think about yesterday, DO NOT borrow trouble and think about tomorrow*, you think about and work out with the tools you have how to get through today.
I swear this tactic enables you to have a calmer head and be a more 'present' parent.
*Obviously you will need to think about tomorrow ... but you know what I mean.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Top Rated Entries

    My Darkest Secret

    Do Animals Have Souls?

    10 Things a Parent of an SPD Kid Wants to Say

    Fun and Easy Lenten Crafts

    Tattoo Taboo

    Blessed Mother as Intercessor

    Loss of Life

    Women Priests II

    Animal Sacrifices

    Render Unto Caesar

    Veiling

    The Godparent Poem

    Broken Friendships

    Miscarriage Reflection

    NYT Anti-Catholic Ad

    Categories

    All
    180
    Abortion
    Adoption
    Adoration
    Adultery
    Agnosticism
    Angels
    Animals
    Annulment
    Apparitions
    Art
    Atheism
    Bahamas
    Baptism
    Blessed Mother
    Blessed-mother
    Blogging
    Books
    Boycott
    Breastfeeding
    Bullying
    Cafeteria Catholic
    Cafeteria Catholics
    Cats
    Ccd
    Celibacy
    Chaput
    Children
    Christmas
    Churches
    Confession
    Conscience
    Contests
    Contraception
    Cookies
    Corapi
    Crafts
    Creation
    Cross
    Defense Of Faith
    Depression
    Divine Mercy
    Divine Providence
    Divine-providence
    Divorce
    Dolan
    Donation
    Dreams
    Easter
    Education
    Eucharist
    Euthanasia
    Evangelization
    Family
    Feasts
    Food
    Forgiveness
    Free Will
    Friendship
    Fun
    Gaza
    Guest Post
    Hat Tip
    Health Care
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hhs
    Holy Week
    Homeschooling
    Homily
    Homosexuality
    Illumination
    Incarnation
    Incorruptibles
    Indulgences
    Infertility
    Inspiration
    Intentions
    Intercession
    Intercessions
    Interview
    Islam
    Jewelry
    Kidney
    Komen
    Language
    Lawsuit
    Lbm
    Lent
    Lightbulb Moments
    Liturgy
    Mandate
    Marriage
    Martyrs
    Mass
    Media
    Medjugorje
    Mercy
    Mexico
    Miracles
    Miscarriage
    Moderation
    Moses
    Motherhood
    Music
    Myla
    Nuns
    Old Testament
    Parenting
    Parishes
    Pedophilia
    Pentecost
    Persecution
    Personal
    Philadelphia
    Philly
    Pilgrimage
    Planned Parenthood
    Poetry
    Politics
    Poll
    Pope
    Prayer
    Pregnancy
    Priests
    Prophecy
    Propoganda
    Purgatory
    Question Box
    Quick Takes
    Random
    Recipes
    Reflections
    Relics
    Religious Freedom
    Reviews
    Ridiculous
    Rosary
    Sacrament
    Sacrifice
    Saint
    Saints
    Scandal
    School
    Science
    Seed
    Sewing
    Sexuality
    Sin
    Social Issues
    Social Issues
    SPD
    Spiritual Dryness
    St Anthonybd986ec1d5
    Steubenville
    Suffering
    Tattoos
    Terrorism
    TLM
    Triduum
    Trinity
    Trust
    Twa
    Vatican
    Veiling
    Veils
    Vincent
    Visionaries
    Wedding
    Women Priests

    Pages I Stalk

    A Woman's Place
    Dymphna's Road
    Having Left the Altar
    Fr. Z @ WDTPRS
    Spirit Daily
    These Stone Walls
    St. Joseph's Vanguard
    Catholic Sistas
    Catholic Icing
    Liturgical Time
    Traditional Latin Mass
    Shameless Popery
    Life Victorious
    Catholic Dads
    S'aint Easy
    Truth, Beauty and Goodness
    The Way Out There
    Written by the Finger of 
       God
    Little Catholic Bubble
    So You're a Church Musician
    There and Back Again
    Make It - Love It
    St. Monica's Bridge
    Seeking Renewal 
    Picture

    Archives

    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    December 2010
    October 2010
    October 2005

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2021