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Time's Cover, Breastfeeding and Me

5/10/2012

16 Comments

 
Picture
This lil guy knows what's up!
So apparently Twitter, Facebook and the blogosphere are all aflame because of Time's new cover.  It pictures an attractive, young blonde standing against her adorable and well-nourished 3 year old son.  Both of them are staring straight into the camera with an almost "What are you gonna do about it?" look. 

The catch?

The little boy is standing on a chair that sets him at the perfect level to have his lips clamped around Mommy's nipple in a suggestive manner.  The suggestion? 

Breastfeeding.

The giant, flame-inciting caption reads:  ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?  ("Mom Enough" being bolded in red, of course, just to hit home the flame-factor).  The subtext goes on with: Why attachment parenting drives some mothers to extremes - and how Dr. Bill Sears became their guru.

Apparently Time's been hurting for readership, because this is a blatant attempt to solicit a very venomous response from people from every angle of the issue.

This image and caption immediately polarize Moms.  Those who breastfeed, those who don't.  Those who breastfeed for 6 months, those who breastfeed for 5 years.  Those who recoil in horror at the thought of a child breastfeeding in public, those who think breastfeeding is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.  Those who think breasts are nothing but sexual objects to be kept private, to those still looking to burn the bras of yesteryear and go topless around the world.  Heck, you can even throw in those who CAN'T breastfeed into the mix, or those who choose to use breast milk, just not from the breast, in daily food (cereal and such).

Seriously - there is NO other reason to choose to create an image like this.  This is SPECIFICALLY for shock value and it serves its purpose well.  Everyone and their mother is now talking about it.

Unfortunately, they're also delving into the awful area of judging others for their parenting choices (and that never ends well).

My Opinion / Experience

I believe that breastfeeding is a wonderful, beautiful thing that gave both Vincent and myself a chance to bond in a way that nothing else could.  Even though I had a rough start, it proved to be the most rewarding part of motherhood for me.  In fact, courtesy of my dedication to breastfeeding, my risk for certain cancers has dropped, my risk for cardiovascular disease has dropped, and I my baby dropped weight faster than my non-breastfeeding friends.  Seriously.  I was fitting into my jeans within a month. 

But all the health benefits for Vince were great, too!  Chance for higher IQ, stronger immune system, greater sense of security... all that fun stuff.  Plus, all the money I saved on formula could be spent on things like a college fund, toys, diapers, or trips to the zoo.  Win win for everyone, right? 

Now I realize that not all women are as blessed as I've been with breastfeeding.  I had the time and ability to do it.  I stayed at home with Vince for the entire first year.  I produced milk - and a lot of it - without trouble.  Sure Vince had trouble latching for the first few weeks, but thanks to a kind nurse, I was given a shield which helped him figure it out.  I sometimes wonder if I'd've been able to nurse at all if it weren't for her giving me that little stepping stone of help.

I was also lucky enough to have a willing breastfeeder for 2 years (a little over two years, actually).  Vincent loved "the bobies" as he used to call them (BOB + EES was his pronunciation - ha).  He was never more content than when he was in my arms nursing.  However, when it came time to wean, he pretty much did it himself.  He simply stopped asking when I stopped offering.  He was much more interested in grapes or pork chops or pasta.  Mommy's "bobies" didn't offer that, and his little body knew it was time to give up the comfort of nursing.  For Vincent, that was the right time for him. 

I was shy for a while when people would ask me about how long Vince breastfed for.  Even while I was still nursing, I'd get sideways looks from folks (especially because Vincent always looked about a year ahead of his actual age).  I got some mean comments about being selfish... being a poor mother... being foolish because I'd screw up his idea of breasts because he'd remember nursing as he got older.  I responded by keeping quiet.  I would just do my best to hide the fact that I still breast-fed Vincent because I didn't want to deal with the negative judgements I'd get. 

However, I soon got over it.  The people who scoffed at my nursing habits usually didn't have kids themselves.  So what right did they have to belittle MY choices?  I started responding to their negativity with Vincent himself.

"Do you see how happy Vincent is?  Do you see how well-adjusted, secure and trusting he is?  He is a direct result of my parenting choices.  Obviously I know a little better than you do about raising my son."

That has shut them up every single time.  BTW, that works for the Negative Nancys who complain about the schedule I try to keep him on, too.  When it comes to things like this, you'd think everyone knew how to parent your kid better than you do... *shakes head*

Anyway, back to the article (and the frenzy it has caused).  I'm not a fan of them choosing this picture to startle folks into reading about Dr. Sears.  The woman and her child have little to NOTHING to do with him.  Also, the 3 year old (while a product of long-term breastfeeding) isn't even the typical child Dr. Sears mentors on.  So again, this was a very specific, underhanded PR move to sell print.  That irritates the heck out of me, especially since it's now got people going for the jugular. 

Crazy!  There are enough myths floating around about breastfeeding.  Let's not add to the foolishness, k?

So let's remember our heads in this one, ladies.  Try not to be judgemental or overly-critical.  We all try to do what's best for our own children.  Let's be supportive and instead of turning our anger on each other, let's turn it on Time for stooping so low as to attempt this charade of a cover in order to sell magazines.  Humpf!

16 Comments
Nichole
5/10/2012 07:37:09 am

Ew - breastmilk in your cereal?

Reply
Gina
5/10/2012 07:42:55 am

Not something I've done for Vince, but yup. I know of at least one mother who mixed BM into baby cereal (and oatmeal, I think).

Reply
Gina
5/10/2012 07:44:01 am

"Ew" BTW, is a judgement. This is exactly the type of comment I'm warning against. I realize breastfeeding brings about really strong reactions, but let's try to at least let our commentary hit the filters in our brains before our fingers touch the keyboard...

Katherine link
5/10/2012 09:35:58 am

My pediatrician recommends it when first beginning solids with rice cereal or oatmeal cereal. You can just mix in water, but since a 6 month old is too young for cow's milk, breast milk works really well providing priceless nourishment and familiarity. I would have done it instead of water but, well, let's just say I'd flunk any expressing/pumping class. :)

Nichole
5/10/2012 08:15:26 am

Babies grow teeth for a reason. Trying to keep them nibbling on your good parts is infantalizing and does more for you than for him. I get that you chose to nurse your son until he was two, but you can't fault other women for thinking that's extreme. You got to stay home. Most women have to go to work, so they're lucky to get six weeks in. Lots can't pump. That doesn't make them bad. And expelling bodily fluid at work so you can give it to your kid at home would obviously freak a few people out. It IS kind of gross. Would you want me peeing into a cup to shove into the fridge for a pregnancy test, or cutting myself so I could save some vials of blood for later next to your cubicle?

Reply
Gina
5/10/2012 08:22:59 am

And what of the babies who are born with teeth (it does happen!). Do they simply not get the chance to breastfeed?

I have not faulted anyone for their parenting decisions. In fact, I specifically pointed out that I was LUCKY to have been given the chance to nurse Vincent for as long as I did. I was also blessed that he was willing to nurse for that long. Not every mother has it so easy. I never once judged another. You're being defensive for no reason.

Comparing breast milk to urine or blood shows your contempt for breast milk. They are not in the same category, and their uses are for COMPLETELY different things. Stop attempting to denigrate the discussion. Your logic is absolutely shameful.

Reply
Nichole
5/10/2012 08:24:24 am

bodily fluids every single one of them. It's not bad logic. Just because you aren't grossed out by them doesn't mean that the similarities aren't there.

Gina
5/10/2012 08:41:16 am

Pus is a bodily fluid. Tears are a bodily fluid. Sweat, bile and acid are all bodily fluids. Do they each serve the same purpose?

When you see a friend cry, do you run away screaming "ew ew ew!" ?

'Cause seriously - that's a little ridiculous.

Breastfeeding is a natural part of reproduction. A mother's body produces nourishment for her children. It's an incredible thing and one should not be forced to hide away in dirty bathrooms, overheated cars, or shamed into staying home because she chooses to provide a naturally beneficial food for her children.

And workplaces are legally required to provide a clean, safe place for both pumping and storage. FYI.

Bella
5/10/2012 09:29:54 am

Nichole,
You do realize that you would not be here today if our ancestors did NOT breastfeed, and did not do so for an extended period of time. Also, moms who formula feed put formula in the babies cereal, so why should breastmilk be any different?
I completely understand this is a different time period, but your comments are a little ignorant- especially the urine and blood ones. They arent common practices (not even an UNCOMMON one), they are not and were never necessary for our populations survival. You're making it seem as if mothers only breastfeed for their own selfish desires.
I personally don't care what anyone chooses, or what works for others. However I use SCIENCE to guide my reasons as to why I breast feed and will continue to.
Do I agree with everything the TIME article said, no, and for a multitude of reasons. Bottom line is mothers have to do what works best for them and their babies. Happy mommies lead to healthy happy babies.

Reply
Gina
5/11/2012 03:17:58 am

You didn't leave an e-mail, so I'll message you here - well said. :) I didn't even make the connection w/ ancestry.

And I agree - happy moms lead to happy babies, and happy moms do what they think is best for themselves and their children. No need to put another women (or group of women) down for their parenting choices.

Reply
Katherine link
5/10/2012 09:32:40 am

Every ounce of research shows that breast is best for a baby. The question of how long to nurse I think is really best left between mom and baby. Although I confess those moms who still nurse their kids when they are 8 on youtube kind of freak me out. I mean, I think the toddler years are a matter of personal preference but 8 years is just a bit much IMHO.
That said, I hate the cover. First of all, is a "What you gonna do about it?" look the message most breastfeeding mothers want to send? It wouldn't be mine. I don't nurse to provoke confrontation or argument. But what really bothers me is the headline. So, you are "mom enough" if you nurse for 3 years? Those who don't nurse so long or at all aren't as much of a mother? And since when is how "much" of a mother you are tied to how much you nurse or if you do at all? Some moms can't nurse. It doesn't make them one bit less a mother. The headline is insulting to every mother on the planet, nursing or not.

Reply
Gina
5/11/2012 03:19:29 am

Ugh--- YES! That caption is SO accusatory and judgemental that I seriously wanted to find the editor and lock him or her in a room full of the very women being set up to flame one another. *grumble grumble grumble*

Reply
Dom
5/10/2012 10:54:37 am

I think breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, but the magazine cover disturbs me for one particular reason; it's a sexualized image involving a child. The woman's clothing, posture and body language all reek of the sultry, and the off-the-shoulder tank is quite simply provocative. It's impossible to look at the image without thinking of womanliness in the absolutely inappropriate context, and the boy, son or not, is being used as her masculine counterpart. It's positively cringe-worthy, and the caption 'are you mom enough' is MEANT to conjure up the derivative phrase 'are you man enough'. I do realize that it's intended as a (rather unsubtle) portrayal of how society looks at nursing on the two levels- pure and not - but still. Ew. There are other ways...

Reply
Gina
5/11/2012 03:24:56 am

I didn't view it as overtly sexual, but in almost every single comments section under the various articles, there was always at least one bone-head who was shouting "MILF."

I remember being called that once, and I felt so ashamed and gross. I really did. I immediately checked to see if I was wearing something that solicited the response (I wasn't), and then I thanked God Vincent wasn't old enough to understand what the heck he meant by it.

The woman in the picture is beautiful. She really is. However, to be denigrated into a sex-toy fantasy revolving around her motherhood irks me to no end. Ugh. And you're right - that's what this cover sparks, and if I were the one in that picture, I'd be so beyond embarrassed for both myself and my family. I really, really would be (but that's just me).

Reply
Nicole P.
5/11/2012 01:36:38 am

I tend to be a little sensitive over the issue of breastfeeding only because I wasn't able to- my milk never came in, no matter how long I'd keep Eli to the breast, tried pumping, or tried all kinds of old wives' tales to get my milk to come in. It was frustrating, and reading endless articles about how I was doing a disservice to my daughter by not breastfeeding didn't help. And covers like the one for Time burn me up. Like Katherine said, if I don't breastfeed for 3+ years, it means I'm not "mom" enough? I guess to them I'm not a mom at all since my daughter was entirely bottle-fed.

There are ways to start a conversation about a controversial subject without using an inflammatory cover to do it. All it does is confuse people on what extended breastfeeding is, and gross people out.

Reply
Gina
5/11/2012 03:27:35 am

{hugs}

That's exactly the type of thing I'm talking about. No one - NO ONE - should ever aim to make another mother feel inferior or "not mom-enough" because of breastfeeding. There are so many factors that go into it, so how can one even presume to hold a mother accountable for such a personal choice???

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Obviously you've proven all the nay-sayers wrong considering how big and beautiful Eli is today, huh? :) You, after all, know what's best for your little angel, and she's blessed to have you for her mommy. {Hugs}

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