My Broken Fiat
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers
  • Blog
  • About / Contact Me
    • My 'Reversion'
    • Why "MyBrokenFiat?"
  • The Archive
  • Prayers

Vincent's First "Big Trouble" Apology Letter

2/20/2015

2 Comments

 
So last week, John called me to let me know that there had been an incident in school.  Vince's regular teacher was out for a week, so he was in a substitute's class.  He'd been with her for about three days, and all three days, he'd come home with notes like "Not doing work" or "Being defiant."

Now I know Vince has trouble when his routine is messed up, but that's no excuse to not do work or be defiant.  So I spoke to Vince and punished him accordingly, but it didn't help.  Day four rolled around and the substitute pulled John aside to explain that not only had Vincent been defiant, he'd kicked her chair and called her "fat."

*Shame-induced heart attack*

My son was aggressive with both his words and actions?!  NOOOOOO... it has been so long since he's acted out in this way.  I felt awful for the sub who was obviously having a tough time controlling him, and I felt doubly awful that my son was responsible for saying something that was potentially hurtful to her.

I was angry with Vince - angrier than I think I've ever been.  John was upset, too, and neither of us knew what to do to punish him properly.  We'd never had him do something so offensive.  So the entire way home, I was trying to come up with a punishment that fit the crime.  I settled on a good old-fashioned written apology letter.

Not an easy task for a 5 year old who barely spells colors let alone full sentences expressing remorse.  

Anyway, when I got home, I had a conversation with him about how disappointed I was and how hurtful what he did was to his teacher.  I kept having him respond to me so I knew he understood just how serious the situation was.  John had already spoken to him and punished him by taking away two of his favorite toys, but he knew I was going to go a step further so he left the rest to me.  

After I felt he understood why he was in trouble, I explained how he could help fix things.  I sat him down and had him tell me - in his own words - why he was sorry and how he felt about his substitute teacher.  I wrote out his words on a separate piece of paper.  When he was finished, I had him copy my transcription, himself, into a card he'd decorate for her as an apology.
Picture
Yeah.  Believe it or not, it took him what seemed to be forever to write five sentences.  This was mostly because he tried to rush through his words and I'd erase them until he was neater.  If he was going to write her a letter, he was going to write her one she could actually read.

I then put his letter and my transcription (and a note explaining it) together into a packet for the substitute so she understood where the words came from and what John and I had done to punish him for how he acted.  I wanted her to know that we took his actions seriously and appreciated her efforts with him.
Picture
Picture
*Sigh*

Days like this are not fun.  They make you feel like the worst failure of a parent ever.  But ya know what?  After he'd finished the letter, his babysitter (God bless her, she witnessed the whole experience in patient silence) came over and said, "I'm really proud of BOTH of you!"

I laughed, because I thought it was ridiculous to be proud of me given the circumstances, but Meaghan (the sitter) said, "No, I'm serious.  That took a really long time, but you got him to do it and I really think he understands why it was wrong.  His teacher will appreciate that.  I wish more of my students' parents would be so serious."

That comment made me feel so much better.  Yes, I'd obviously failed somewhere along the line to produce a child who would ever utter such a thing to someone, but I am a good enough parent that I worked hard - immediately - to make sure the situation was a learning experience for him. 

Thank God, too, because I can't even tell you how terrible I felt until she said that.  Ugh!

And I'm happy to report that not only has Vince been a stellar student since, both his sub and his regular teacher (who is back) said he's been BEYOND stellar.  He's gone out of his way to be helpful, is super courteous, and "listens the first time a lot better" (which is like me hearing he won a Nobel Prize because I've gotta tell him things a dozen or more before it registers).  

Even in our failure there is hope for success.  I'm really proud of how the three of us handled this situation.  I just sincerely hope nothing like this ever happens again.  God forbid!

Have you guys ever had times like this where you just had no idea how to punish your kids?  What'd YOU do?
2 Comments
Cat
2/23/2015 06:41:08 am

Gina- been there with the feeling of "my beautiful child did WHAT?!?" and I think you and John handled the situation admirably. I've reacted wrongly to a number of instances with my babes, and am still learning that patience and processing are necessary parts to the equation.
Aside from that, props for the Phillies folder/workspace. :-)

Reply
Susan
2/26/2015 01:47:21 am

You handled this wonderfully...

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Top Rated Entries

    My Darkest Secret

    Do Animals Have Souls?

    10 Things a Parent of an SPD Kid Wants to Say

    Fun and Easy Lenten Crafts

    Tattoo Taboo

    Blessed Mother as Intercessor

    Loss of Life

    Women Priests II

    Animal Sacrifices

    Render Unto Caesar

    Veiling

    The Godparent Poem

    Broken Friendships

    Miscarriage Reflection

    NYT Anti-Catholic Ad

    Categories

    All
    180
    Abortion
    Adoption
    Adoration
    Adultery
    Agnosticism
    Angels
    Animals
    Annulment
    Apparitions
    Art
    Atheism
    Bahamas
    Baptism
    Blessed Mother
    Blessed-mother
    Blogging
    Books
    Boycott
    Breastfeeding
    Bullying
    Cafeteria Catholic
    Cafeteria Catholics
    Cats
    Ccd
    Celibacy
    Chaput
    Children
    Christmas
    Churches
    Confession
    Conscience
    Contests
    Contraception
    Cookies
    Corapi
    Crafts
    Creation
    Cross
    Defense Of Faith
    Depression
    Divine Mercy
    Divine Providence
    Divine-providence
    Divorce
    Dolan
    Donation
    Dreams
    Easter
    Education
    Eucharist
    Euthanasia
    Evangelization
    Family
    Feasts
    Food
    Forgiveness
    Free Will
    Friendship
    Fun
    Gaza
    Guest Post
    Hat Tip
    Health Care
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hhs
    Holy Week
    Homeschooling
    Homily
    Homosexuality
    Illumination
    Incarnation
    Incorruptibles
    Indulgences
    Infertility
    Inspiration
    Intentions
    Intercession
    Intercessions
    Interview
    Islam
    Jewelry
    Kidney
    Komen
    Language
    Lawsuit
    Lbm
    Lent
    Lightbulb Moments
    Liturgy
    Mandate
    Marriage
    Martyrs
    Mass
    Media
    Medjugorje
    Mercy
    Mexico
    Miracles
    Miscarriage
    Moderation
    Moses
    Motherhood
    Music
    Myla
    Nuns
    Old Testament
    Parenting
    Parishes
    Pedophilia
    Pentecost
    Persecution
    Personal
    Philadelphia
    Philly
    Pilgrimage
    Planned Parenthood
    Poetry
    Politics
    Poll
    Pope
    Prayer
    Pregnancy
    Priests
    Prophecy
    Propoganda
    Purgatory
    Question Box
    Quick Takes
    Random
    Recipes
    Reflections
    Relics
    Religious Freedom
    Reviews
    Ridiculous
    Rosary
    Sacrament
    Sacrifice
    Saint
    Saints
    Scandal
    School
    Science
    Seed
    Sewing
    Sexuality
    Sin
    Social Issues
    Social Issues
    SPD
    Spiritual Dryness
    St Anthonybd986ec1d5
    Steubenville
    Suffering
    Tattoos
    Terrorism
    TLM
    Triduum
    Trinity
    Trust
    Twa
    Vatican
    Veiling
    Veils
    Vincent
    Visionaries
    Wedding
    Women Priests

    Pages I Stalk

    A Woman's Place
    Dymphna's Road
    Having Left the Altar
    Fr. Z @ WDTPRS
    Spirit Daily
    These Stone Walls
    St. Joseph's Vanguard
    Catholic Sistas
    Catholic Icing
    Liturgical Time
    Traditional Latin Mass
    Shameless Popery
    Life Victorious
    Catholic Dads
    S'aint Easy
    Truth, Beauty and Goodness
    The Way Out There
    Written by the Finger of 
       God
    Little Catholic Bubble
    So You're a Church Musician
    There and Back Again
    Make It - Love It
    St. Monica's Bridge
    Seeking Renewal 
    Picture

    Archives

    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    December 2010
    October 2010
    October 2005

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2021