My Broken Fiat
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Wherein a Name is Given

7/29/2013

4 Comments

 
As you may have noticed in my last post, I felt as though the child I lost was a little girl.  It wasn’t any innate feeling on my part.  I chose “pink” because of something John had said when, for a quick moment, he allowed himself to entertain the notion of another child.

He said, “I hope it’s a girl.”

I just shook my head.  I didn’t care either way, but I admit I’ve always envisioned John walking our daughter down the aisle for her wedding.  He’d be the quintessential “Daddy” to an adoring little girl.  Even he smiled at the idea. 

As I thought on the child within me, I guess I began picturing her as a little girl… as the sweet little angel who would melt her Daddy’s heart. 

Then when the flowers came last week, they were all pink.  Pink carnations, pink roses, pink tiny flowers that probably have a name and I just don’t know what it is.  The bow was pink, and even the balloon was pink.   I took that as my confirmation. 

Her name was given to me when I knew I had conceived.  As I mentioned in a previous post, my entire body screamed “Miracle.”  A miracle she is, so I named her for the painting I can’t get out of my head: Senor de los Milagros de Nazarenas – Lord of Miracles.  I’ve written about this Peruvian painting before.  It depicts Christ crucified while His Mother and Mary Magdalene mourn His Passion.  God the Father and Spirit are also present.  

Picture
So from this painting, which expresses the mysterious miracle of love, grief, and salvation, I found myself saying, "Myla."  A shortening of "Milagros" or "miracle," my little Myla earned her name from my body's unconscious praise of its Creator.  Plus, its Slavic origins translate "Myla" to mean "grace" or "favor" and I believe that's exactly what she was to us.

Her middle name sorta fell from the sky.  I wasn't sure, at first, what it should be.  Then, I realized that I kept wanting to call her my "little flower."  Ah ha.


Myla Therese it is.

So, may the Lord bless and keep you, Myla Therese.  Mommy cannot wait to meet you in Heaven.  Keep praying for Daddy, your brother and I my sweet little angel, and please give kisses to your great-grandparents for me.
4 Comments
Shalimamma link
7/29/2013 02:44:07 pm

Gina, I am still weeping for you. I can't even get myself to stop. I so desperately have desired for you to bear another child, and yes, we all know you have a little saint in heaven, but that doesn't take away the deep grieving. I wouldn't even know how to relate except for the fact that I lost a baby girl through miscarriage last November 11th. It happened to be the same day as my dad's heart attack, so I shoved my emotions deep down. When I finally let myself grieve (I don't know if you saw the poem on my site, but her name is Lily), I sobbed. For days. I didn't even want to tell anyone, because I knew their reactions would be cruel, since we "already have a large family" so "it's a good thing God took this one." And indeed, no one grieved with us (except my two closest family, my mom and my sis). Everyone else almost smiled. I myself even wondered, how am I grieving so much when this would be #9?! Because this was my daughter, and I knew her for that brief time, and fell in love with her. We had felt our family was quite complete before her (with 8), but interestingly, this baby opened up our hearts to welcome more. Still no one else will ever replace Lily, and no one will replace beautiful Myla Therese. Therese is my middle name ;) My heart is with you, and please contact me ANY time, dear Gina..... You are in my deepest prayers!!!!!

Love,
shalimamma

Reply
Gina
8/4/2013 02:44:56 pm

<3

Reply
Ann G.
8/2/2013 03:44:32 pm

Gina-I've had 4 babies born into Heaven through miscarriage. 2 in 2006 and 2 in 2011. I still think of them and miss them. I ask for their intercession. God has an important purpose for all children He creates. I especially know that I am close to them when I am in the presence of the Eucharist because they too are in God's Presence at that moment. I found this prayer from a Catholic blog. I have it printed out on nice paper and framed. It has the names of my 4 saint children and it hangs on the same wall as the pictures of my 5 living children. It is important to acknowledge that the baby you just lost is as precious as your son Vincent.
Novena for the intercession of a child who has died, and whose innocence assures us that he or she is in heaven.
Sweet Myla Therese, beloved child of my heart, pray with me to Jesus whom you behold face to face. Entreat the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph, in whose presence you are privileged to spend eternity singing praises to God, to come to our assistance with their prayers and supplications for our present needs. I thank God for the time we had you with us, dear child, and I thank God that we now have you as a faithful intercessor in heaven. May God have mercy on us and hear the prayers we ask through you at this time (state prayer intention). Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be

Reply
Gina
8/4/2013 02:44:23 pm

Oh thank you for this little set of prayers. I'd never heard of it before!

May you and your family be immensely blessed. Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of yourself here, Ann.

I really, really appreciate this.

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