Why the Silence?

A friend of mine posted the above video to Facebook.  I knew what it was as soon as I saw it.  A reader had sent it my way and said maybe I should think about sharing Myla's story as a way to break the silence.  

I'm not there yet.  But I am really, really glad that there is a push to get stuff like this out in the open.  

When my friend posted this, he said something great:  "I didn't realize the prevalence of this event. I love how families are allowing the child to remain a part of their family and honoring her/him at special times - birthday, thanksgiving, christmas and/or other winter holidays. For those who are uncomfortable with sharing this, GET OVER YOURSELF!  The child was part of life however briefly, is loved and will always be remembered."

I immediately thought, Right on, we WILL always love and remember them!  And of course you didn't realize the prevalence.  NO ONE realizes the prevalence because no one talks about it.

I then wondered why.  I mean, on a personal level, I know why I don't talk about it.  But on a grander scale, there had to be a reason.  It hit me, and I commented the following:

Still birth and miscarriage are so taboo in our culture because we have conditioned ourselves to "accept" that life doesn't begin until that child is outside the womb.

I put "accept" in quotes because it's a conditioned belief that isn't a belief so much as it is a justification for the murder of a child.

Because that uneasy "acceptance" of an obvious falsehood doesn't sit well with the public, things like open grieving of life lost within the womb or at birth is taboo since open acceptance of that life causes folks who don't believe in life at conception to confront the validity (or invalidity) of that belief.

And as someone who has experienced condemnation and ridicule for grieving the life of a child considered worthless by society's standards, I can understand why some families choose to suffer in silence - why this topic is rarely spoken of. It's difficult enough to endure losing a child - you don't need people lashing outwards as they struggle with an inward paradigm shift on top of it, ya know?

Just my two cents.

I know this is a good chunk of the reason I keep silent.  I'm not ready to handle their emotions on top of my own.  I'm not ready to handle the questions or the judgement or even the sympathy that might result from Myla's story being out there amongst family and friends.

But the point of this video is spot on, and I do think the reason so many of us don't speak out more is because our culture - a culture steeped in death and selfishness - cannot accept the grief of parents who prove their misguided stance on life within the womb is not compatible with reality.  We are a thorn in their logic.  

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